Teaching Ain't Easy

Kids. You MUST Be Silly Today.

2012-01-23T11:47:00.000-08:00

Greetings. I'm the teacher that drives you crazy.

Because I teach Theatre, the kids are silly around me. It just is how it is. I love this. I love that when I walk down the hall one kid breaks into acting like a lizard, another talks like a robot, another barks like a dog. But it does cause problems...

I remember last year being very stressed with all of the expectations and getting frustrated when the kids came back from Specials out of hand. Now that I'm on this side, however, I love taking them back to their room and us acting our way down the halls. For example, sometimes I have the entire class walk back into their classroom crying. I pretend that I'm really angry and they're BALLING like someone just killed their puppy.

Or every now and then I'll have a group walk in like they're all on the verge of vomiting.

Last week I had an entire group of third graders return to class like they had to go to the bathroom. Their faces were classic.

One day I had a class of second graders return to class as if they were zombies. You know whats better than a group of 7 year olds walking like the undead? Nothin.

There is one second grader that, regardless of whenever he sees me, freezes. Solid. I freeze too. People are stopped around us because we've created a kid traffic jam, but we stay frozen until another second grader changes the batteries on our backs.

Is this all "appropriate?" I don't know, maybe not. Maybe I take the silly too far. Maybe when I see one of my favorite 5th graders I shouldn't suddenly turn into an old lady who can barely see and keeps sayin, "WHAT?? SPEAK IN MY GOOD EAR!" Maybe one day I'll get in real trouble because the superintendent will be behind me when I start doing my "model walk" with 4th grade girls down the hallway. Maybe all of these things makes the other teachers crazy and annoyed.

Maybe I should care, but I can't. SO much of their lives is serious; testing, data, stressful home environments...shouldn't there be at least ONE person that they don't have to be serious around? In fact, I require it!

The only conclusion I can come to is to try to overlook when I annoy the crap outta teachers because the kids love that some adults act like them. I love when my kids tell me I act like a kid. This, my friends, is a compliment to me.

I'll close with a quote from a very wise third grader.

Her: "Are you married?"
Me: "Nope!"
Her: "Good. Because you act too much like a kid to have a husband."

If that's true I never wanna get married!

New Year

2012-01-10T16:32:00.000-08:00

I had first graders today create two scenes: one of something they really wanted to happen this year and the second about something they didn't want to happen this year.

Two boys picked "turning into a T-Rex" as the thing they wanted to happen this year and "my house getting destroyed by angry birds" as the thing they didn't.

Another group picked "Being a nice zombie" as the thing they wanted to happen this year and "to be in a bowl of soup" as the thing they didn't.

Are you as creative as these kids? Yeah, me neither.

Theatre Arts

2012-01-08T12:50:00.000-08:00

Let me tell you ALL about my new job as my school's first Theatre Arts teacher.

I teach K-5 and I love it more than ANYTHING. Every day we do improv, warm ups, group exercises, performances, and the kids always BLOW me out of the water with their creativity and courage. To give you a bit of insight, I will share a few of my favorite stories from each grade.

Kindergarten

There is a kid in Kindergarten that, when her hand isn't in her nose, amazes me with her brilliance. I could sit and talk to her for hours (although the topics have to be things like pancakes, stuff my brother likes, and where she got her new pink hat). We do a warm up song called "Show Me How You Feel" and there is a part in the song where you have to dance. I, of course, always have to dance as well and feel like a HUGE ass because there are always para-pro's in the room laughing at how stupid I look. I don't mind looking like a huge ass, but still.
When it's time to dance she gets SO excited she gets up and shakes it. At the end of class one day she told me her favorite thing to do is shake her butt. Me too, kid. Me too.

There's a boy in Kindergarten that cracks me up. One of the first days I had Kindergarten we were acting like animals. One day we all were lions roaming around and he came up to me and (literally) bit me. It didn't hurt, he was just playing but he was also roaring and being all lion-y. Every SINGLE class this kid bites me. I'll just be hanging out and I'll feel a pinch on my back and he's there behind me laughing. "I BIT you!!!" When I see him in the hall he says, "I'm gonna bite you!"

Weird, I know. But it makes me laugh.

First Grade

One of my FAVORITE first grade students is a little boy who is always getting in trouble. (Most kids that are great in Theatre are always getting in trouble in the classroom. Which is why they love me and my saying "Yeah, sure act like a monkey. It's cool!")
Whenever he's in a scene on stage he is either a peanut or a coconut. I'm gonna say that again.

Whenever he's in a scene he is a PEANUT or a COCONUT!
GENIUS!! How does he act like a coconut you ask? He curls up and bounces around stage yelling, "I'M A COCONUT!"

Another girl in first grade is epically awesome. We were doing a Christmas improv game where one kid wore a Santa hat and another kid goes up to Santa and asks for things for Christmas. The clincher is that Santa is mean and refuses to give the kid anything so the kid has to try to convince Santa. Well, this quiet little hispanic girl goes up to Santa (played by an adorable little boy) and she says, "Can I have a Barbie for Christmas?" and Santa yells "NO!" She replies, "Why not?!" he says, "You're on the naughty list! See!?" (holds up invisible list). She then goes into a speech how it wasn't her, it was her brother! They end up wrestling. It was hilarious and all completely improvised by first graders.

Second Grade

There is a boy that drives me CRAZY in second grade. CRAZY. He's one of those kids that just...... is just .............. I can't explain it better than that without facial expressions. Well one day we were doing "Scene in a Setting" where they had to pick a specific location and make up a scene that would happen in that setting with a conflict and resolution. His idea:

Setting: White House
Characters: Ware wolves
Conflict: Ware Wolves in the White House attack the President
Resolution: Ware Wolves Win and Dance to Justin Bieber songs.

Serously. That was his scene. And. I. Loved. Every. Second. Of. It.
(By the way, I'd say about 40% of scenes include a Zombie, Vampire, or Ware wolves.)

Third Grade

I love me some third grade.
One day I gave the kids a setting and very specific characters randomly and they had to come up with a scene with those characters. Settings included places like McDonalds and School and The Moon....Characters included "snobby girl", "cheerleaders", "Old man", "Dog that can talk", "Zombie that is Nice", "Sleepwalker"....etc. So this boy got the character description of "Man Who Has Had Too Much Coffee."
He took that and RAN with it. They were in a bank, I think, and he was running around on stage their whole scene yelling "COFFEE!!!!! COFFEE COFFEE COFFEE!" The scene ended with the boys dragging him off stage and him crying and reaching for invisible coffee. Now whenever I see him (or anyone in that class) we say, "Hey Coffee!"

Another boy in third grade got to pick his own character for a scene. This boy picked the very random yet awesome character of "Princess Dog." He walked around on all fours in the scene with his nose up in the air. For some reason, it made me laugh SO hard that he now does it all the time in his class. You're welcome, teacher.

One last third grade story!! We were doing an improv activity called "Back to you Bob" where kids pretend they're on the scene of some breaking news story and when they're done they say, "Back to you Bob" to throw it back to the studio. The news story she came up with was that her and her classmate were stuck in my stomach. I cried laughing.

Fourth Grade

There is one boy in fourth grade that only talks to me in dog.

I'm not kidding. We don't speak to each other, we just bark. If I see him in the hall I'll bark and he'll bark back and we'll have an entire conversation... in dog.

My job fits me like a glove.

There is another boy in fourth grade that for one scene, he stayed off stage the whole time and just did sound effects for the entire scene. There was even a moment when the actor mimed sneezing and the kid sneezed off stage for him.

Fifth Grade

MY FAVORITE. At any given moment when I'm with fifth graders I think, "This could be on TV." They are simply amazing.

It's hard for me to pick only a few moments to write about.

I tell the kids that they can't use violence or weapons and one day in 5th grade I saw my boys throwing what I assumed were bombs and I said, "Hey guys, no violence remember?" and one of the boys (probably the best theatre kid I have) said, "Lemme explain. I'm Piglet see. And that's Pooh (large kid waves at me smiling) and he is throwing bombs. But they're honey. Honey bombs. Right Pooh?" These big fifth grade boys made up a sketch where Piglet and Pooh were fighting off invaders with honey bombs. Where is their inhibitions you ask? I have no idea.

For Christmas I gave each group papers with titles of the scene I wanted them to make up. For example, "Santa and Rudolph Call it Quits" and "The Elves Have a Bad Attitude" or "Mrs. Claus Wants Santa to Retire So They Can Move to Florida." So this one group of girls got "Santa Loses Weight For Christmas."

This is what they came up with. The largest girl in the group was Santa and two elves came up to him (her) and said that he needed to lose weight because the reindeer couldn't carry him anymore. He (she) said, "Ho ho ho. I don't wanna." So the elves called down to hire some personal trainers that came up to the North Pole. They taught Santa exercises and then one girl ran across the stage with a sign that said "ONE YEAR LATER." The skinniest girl in the group then had the Santa hat on and said, "I LOST WEIGHT!"

The most impressive thing about that scene to me is that the larger girl had the confidence and self-esteem to be the "before" Santa. It was her idea. I was so proud.

So that, in not a nut shell, is some of my favorite moments so far in Theatre. I am so lucky. I have geniuses, future comedians and actors, and one coconut in my room every day.

2012

2012-01-07T11:49:00.000-08:00

Well, if the world doesn't end this year one of my resolutions was to start writing on here again. Mostly, I do it for me. It's good to reflect on your job and be honest about what you're good at and, so often, not so good at.

Teaching Theatre Arts at my school has been an INCREDIBLE experience. I am not exaggerating at all when I say that I have the best job in the world.

I get to be the teacher that lets them act like a monkey, and perhaps might "ooo ah ah" along beside them.

I get to be the teacher that asks them to be louder, instead of the dreaded "Shhhhhhhhhh!"

I get to be the teacher that encourages them to tap into that silly side and downplay the sedated side.

I get to be the teacher that CRIES laughing because two boys just made up a sketch called "Dancing Hobos 4."

Side note: You can enjoy Dancing Hobos 4 without having seen Dancing Hobos 1-3.

I started a Drama Club with about 18 5th Graders and they've proudly named themselves the "Drama Kids." We did a performance at Christmas- we wrote it all! We did...

"Erik the Red-Nosed Fifth Grader"
A rap about a kid at school with a red nose.

"Naughty to Nice"
A naughty girl gets no presents so the next year, she shapes up!
(My favorite part was when Rudolph ran across the stage with a sign that said "ONE YEAR LATER")

"The Night Before Christmas"
Where a girl was reciting the famous poem and a boy was chiming in his questions about the antiquated poem every two seconds.

"Christmas Cheer"
The somewhat touching sketch where two kids couldn't afford a tree but learned the TRUE meaning of the holidays. (I know, I laid it on thick).

And my personal favorite...
The Drama Kids 12 Days of Christmas

Ok, ok since you asked, I'll give you the lyrics...

12 old men singing*
11 days no homework
10 flat screen tv's
9 angry birds (where one boy threw another boy who was screaming "CA CAW!!!")
8 zombies running
7 PSP's
6 swimming pools
5 golden BLING
4 hours of clubs
3 ipads
2 bags of takis
and the Michael Jackson game on Wii!

How great is my job?

Pretty great.

*Let me explain the "Old men singing" part. There is one boy in Drama Kids that acts like an old man any and every chance he gets. In every sketch, he's the grandpa. Or if not, he gets a disease in the sketch called "Old Man-itis" so he can become and old man. He's become kind of famous for it and it's become our "thing" in Drama Kids.

Here's to a new year!

The Reasons I Haven't Written in FOREVER

2011-11-06T15:39:00.000-08:00

1. I'm a terrible person.
2. I'm not really, I just wanted to start out strong.
3. The first of the year is insane.

Welcome to a new school year! Sorry I'm a few months off. It's been crazy. Let me catch you up.

First of all, I'm no longer a regular classroom teacher. That is one of the reasons I haven't written, I'm not sure how to write this now that I have this new position at my school. So let's get started. I am my school's first Theatre Arts teacher. Yes, I said it folks. Theatre.

My job is.......................................amazing. I never knew what the impact on this class would have on the students but it has been breathtaking. Teaching theatre every day and getting to watch the kids play and use their imaginations and feel creative and powerful has really made me even more of a believer in arts programs at our schools.

The funny thing is, the best kids in theatre are typically not the "best" kids in academics. I'm saying that the kids with behavior problems and the ones that are below grade level are really succeeding in theatre. I go to tell their teacher how amazing they were and the teacher is flabbergasted because that kid can't read or do simple mathematics. Theatre might be the only place that kid feels successful in school.

I worry that this new position will go away, but it needs to stay. In fact, there should be theatre programs in every elementary school and I'll tell you why:
It's helps with confidence, communication, problem solving, reading comprehension, reading fluency, peer interaction, thinking on your feet, working as a team, and more. We have so much fun in my room I find it hard to leave at the end of class. I want each class to have 5 more minutes (except maybe Kindergarten...we'll get to that later).

So, on behalf of everyone here at "TEACHING AINT EASY" (which is just me) I'm sorry I haven't written. I vow to continue to update frequently.

And my one follower (who is a friend of mine and is the reason I started writing again), Thanks for reading. And for the person who accidentally stumbled on this site, "HELLO!"

Saying Goodbye

2011-05-24T13:27:00.000-07:00

Dear One Reader,

Hey there my only reader! I bet you're wondering why I haven't posted lately. We'll, let me tell you this last month or so has been a doozy. Let's start from the beginning.

1. The gerbil died.

Yes, the one-eyed gerbil is now a cyclops angel in Class Pet Heaven. The kids took it okay. To be honest, it was a slow death. Melody seemed to just kind of slow down until dying (with her mouth open) over a weekend. We had a funeral. The kids visit her often and tell her what's going on in the room.

2. Testing

We had testing and our kids did really well! They rocked it. Probably I have the best class in the history of the world.

3. Annual Field Trip

We took our annual field trip to Savannah, Georgia where my lovely kids got to experience the ocean, trolley rides, and a hike up the lighthouse. I left with 68 kids and returned with 67. Just kidding, all 68 came back! It was a great trip and completely drama free. Except the chaperones..... (adults are always so much worse than the kids!)

4. End of Year Crap

I hate the end of the year. First of all, I'm a sap. I hear a sappy song about friendship or anything by Sarah McLachlan and I lose it.

Let's stop here at #4...

Tomorrow is the last day of school and I'm really emotional about it. A lot of these kids (maybe 10 or so) I've taught before in 3rd grade so I REALLY know them. And let's face it, I have no life. My life consists of my kids, reading, my kids, playing guitar, my kids and my kids. I love my students more than most people love their own biological children. Ok, that was an exaggeration but whatever. These kids have been a part of EVERY DAY since August (and many for years before that) and I've thought about them, taught them, laughed with them, cried with them, and hung out with them every day all year. It's gonna be like an amputation tomorrow.

With some of these students that I taught also 2 years ago in 3rd grade, we watched the Inauguration together. We've been through a lot.

I hate saying goodbye.

In Every Classroom

2011-03-13T09:24:00.000-07:00

In every classroom there is some variation of this breakdown of students:

1. The Class Clown
Usually the smartest kid with the lowest grades who teachers either LOVE or CAN'T STAND because they either can harness that energy or they want that kid to sit down and be quiet. They're creative, quick on their feet, have lots of friends, and usually never get anything done. You gotta use their sense of humor to get them to complete work or you're screwed all year.
Side note: If this kid becomes famous you can either be that teacher that they hated that stifled their sense of humor or that teacher that encouraged them to use it. Which will you be?

2. The "good kid"
This is the kid everyone in the class knows of as the best behaved. Everyone asks them for help and they, graciously, oblige. They are wise beyond their years. My favorite thing about this student are the rare moments when they get frustrated or silly because it shows that no one is that perfect.

3. The quiet kid
In every class there is a kid who speaks no louder than a whisper. Every year I have a student like this and I always tell them randomly: "Your goal today is to get in trouble for talking." It never happens.

4. The "Oh, you have that student. Yikes!" kid
In every class there is the student that has a bad reputation. Teachers before you have tried (and perhaps failed) to have an impact so they blame the student. When their name is heard, some random specialist teacher rolls their eyes and shakes their head. Some kindergarten teacher says, "Oh bless his heart."
This kid always has a bad report card and a file the size of War and Peace following them around. I request that kid. No, that doesn't mean I'm Jesus. It just means that my youthful ignorance makes me think, "BRING IT!" and see what kind of difference I can make. Dude, our job is supposed to be challenging. Let's take it up a notch.
This kid is complicated though. Usually their home life is lousy and there is a reason for their anger. At the end of the day, like all kids, they just want to feel loved, heard, respected, understood, and cared for. If you can accomplish this, that kid is yours.

5. The TARGET kid
I was never in the gifted program growing up. You know why? I'm not gifted.
My gifted students are usually incredibly frustrating by 5th grade because they've been told their whole lives how smart they are. A lot of the times this makes them lazy, snobby, or both. This is the student that needs to be challenged like CRAZY or else they'll create problems.
Last year I had a TARGET student I adored who would always call me out when I was wrong. Teachers before me disliked this kid so much because he'd always correct them in front of everyone. Me? I loved him for it. When I was wrong, he'd let me know LOUD AND CLEAR.
How many people in life actually do that for you?

6. The "Oh You're Here Today? I Didn't See You" Kid
Some kids, amazingly, fade into the background. They're quiet, shy, timid, and when you do your attendance you always ask yourself, "Is that kid here today?" Much like the quiet kid, they need to be pulled out of their shell (delicately) and given important and prominent jobs in the classroom. Once they find their niche, they're good to go.

7. The "ALWAYS IN YOUR FACE" kid
There are two of those in my class this year. They are constantly coming up to me, much like ocean waves, just when they recede they're on their way back. You ALWAYS know when they're absent because it feels like you have more time on your hands and more oxygen to breathe.
This kid is usually starving for attention and you have to give it to them or you're in trouble. They need to feel like you see and hear them. You might want to set up a routine time when they can come tell you the 822 things they thought of last night to talk to you about. WARNING: this conversation has to be timed.
If you give them attention, and they know the next time they're allowed to talk to you, usually they won't be in your face as much.

8. The ENIGMA
There is always a student that you don't understand. They'll be quiet one minute, randomly break into an evil laugh the next, and after that be telling a witty joke in pig latin. They'll surprise you daily. They have a personality that doesn't fall into any category you've ever imagined. They're not badly behaved, but they don't behave really great either. When you turn around, BOO! They're there! You didn't even hear them approach!
I have no advice for this type of student except spend as much time around them as possible because they'll probably end up owning a corporation and making millions.

9. You
In every room there is a kid that was you when you were that age. They'll say something and you'll be like, "Yup. I would've said that." Sometimes you'll even say things at the same time and you'll jinx each other. They get away with stuff because your personalities are so similar that you don't even notice when they're being "annoying" or "off task." They make you laugh. They want to sit at your desk.
Other teachers will think that this kid is your favorite, but they aren't. They're too much like you for you to really enjoy! Tell them the truth, they trust you.

10. That One.
Every year I have one student that I just feel like is SO FREAKIN SPECIAL I can't stand it. It never is the best behaved or the brightest kid. For me, it isn't the kid that I'd ever expect I'd appreciate so much. For some reason, that kid perfectly fits in your class. Because of your relationship with this kid, they improve tremendously throughout the year. You can't imagine you ever taught a class without this kid.
The best thing about this student is you'll get one every year. You always learn from them the most important thing you can: How to be a better teacher.

GLEE

2011-03-05T08:18:00.000-08:00

Every teacher has a club that they run on Fridays. It gives the kids a chance to experience a new hobby and interact with kids from other grade levels and it gives us teachers a chance to show students what kinds of things we like to do.

I, along with 3 teacher buddies, run the GLEE club.

Having a chorus/show choir/musical theater background, I knew I'd enjoy the club. I knew I could come up with choreography and teach the kids how to sing along to music. I assumed we'd have a good time.

I had NO idea how huge of a deal this club would be for me. Let me tell you right now, I have 40 kids in 3rd through 5th grade who think it's really cool to be a GLEEK. When I see them in the hallway we GLEEK OUT a little bit and we talk about the songs and dances we'll do that week. They give me ideas on what they'd like to perform (we have "mini performances" every week where the kids can sing whatevery they like for each other) and we talk about new ideas for choreography. It has given so many kids a place where their differences are not only okay, but cool.

There is a motley crew of individuals in the club- the "cool" 5th graders, the "I don't know what I'm doing" 3rd graders and everything in between. Special ed kids, ESOL kids, shy kids, loud kids, every type of kid you can imagine is rehearsing next each other having a common experience. I swear if I talk too much about, I'll cry because these kids are doing SO well and having SO much fun.

Our first performance was a couple weeks ago in front of the whole school. I made sure that they felt special and cool by having extra rehearsals and sending out "GLEE NEWSLETTERS" and by performance day, they were AMPED. What did we sing? Oh, I'm so glad you asked!

We had a mashup of Black Eyed Pea's "Tonights Gonna Be a Good Night", a step routine, and finally The Jackson 5's "I Want You Back." I know, you're trying to visualize the awesomeness.

All those kids were on stage dancing and singing their hearts out and it was amazing. I really felt like I had accomplished something as a teacher to show them that they could accomplish something as students. Something that made them feel talented and special. I mean we only had 6 rehearsals for an hour each (a couple extra the week of but they only lasted maybe 10 minutes) and they learned two songs with lyrics and choreography AND a step routine. Wow.

Afterwards, I wrote them all a letter about how proud I was of them and delivered it to their rooms. I overheard them talking about it and reading it aloud to each other... clearly the club has meant something to them.

This time we are going to do 3 songs: one girl song that the girls choose and sing ("Firework" by Katy Perry), a song the boys choose and sing ("Airplanes" by B.O.B) and finally.............. get excited..........we're gonna do "Thriller" as a whole group. I taught them the choreography yesterday and I felt like a freakin' kid on Christmas morning.

What makes GLEE special is that it is a place for all these different kids to come together, express themselves, and feel special and important. They gain confidence, make new friends, and have fun. Most importantly, they get to be themselves and so far (knock on wood) we haven't had any behavior problems, students being mean to each other, or any other issues. With now 80 kids that we've had, that's simply INCREDIBLE.

It's not a coincidence though. When kids are engaged, challenged, appreciated, and feel good about themselves, there isn't anything they can't accomplish.

Shoulda

2011-02-23T08:02:00.001-08:00

I think all teachers have a little thing I call: "Shoulda Guilt."

They don't have it about all kids- just one or maybe two that stick out in their minds that they don't remember fondly because of the things they "shoulda" done with that kid. How they "shoulda" handled a situation. What they "shoulda" said and didn't. The "shoulda guilt" I have is for a boy I had two years ago that I feel like I did a disservice to.

We can't teach every kid perfectly....but we sure do try, don't we?

He came to my 3rd grade classroom two years ago and he clearly needed a lot of attention. It was my second year teaching and since then, I'm happy to report, my patience has thickened. That year I was so baffled by this kid because I didn't know how to categorize him.

He wasn't a behavior problem in that he didn't start fights or have anger issues. He wasn't mean to other kids. He was desperately seeking attention and would show me in the STRANGEST of ways that I didn't know how to process. He wasn't above grade level. He wasn't below grade level. He was sweet and loving and then he was standoff-ish and quiet. He lied a lot. Every day he was different, every day I didn't know how to address his needs.

Needs he had. I feel like more often than not I wasn't the best at being understanding with him because I felt like he wasn't reaching his so high potential. This made me disappointed and I didn't know how to handle this disappointment.

I have all my 3rd graders from two years ago again this year in 5th grade. Every year as a teacher is like dog years- we age quickly- so I thought about how grateful I was to have this student again and see what I could accomplish this year that I failed at two years ago.

Unfortunately, this kid didn't come back after 4th grade. I lost my chance to redeem my "shoulda guilt" and I was really mad at myself for thinking I had more time.

This kid ended up in the news for being missing this week. He's found and completely ok, but he wasn't for a while. When I saw his name on the news my heart fell out of my chest, my hand clamped over my mouth, and I felt SO GUILTY. So guilty. So guilty.

I had this image of him in the dark alone, no one knowing where he was, did he feel loved? Have I contributed to this?

We only have a brief time with our students. Before you know it, your impact has been made (regardless if it is the impact you want) and the kids are out the door. You have to do whatever you can to make sure you won't feel the "shoulda guilt" because it can destroy you. More importantly, it can change their lives.

He's ok.

Am I?

20 Things

2011-02-20T17:59:00.000-08:00

I have this week off work. In honor of this, I will make 2 lists: one will be of the things I won't miss this week and the other is things I will miss.

Feel free to get excited.

THINGS I WON'T MISS THIS WEEK

1. Grading stuff (I probably should be grading stuff this week, let's be honest)

2. A 5 AM alarm clock

3. Pushing the snooze after my 5 AM alarm clock

4. Teacher on Teacher drama

5. Being disappointed because a kid isn't acting the way I KNOW they can

6. My crappy Lean Cuisine lunch that I have to scarf down in 10 minutes

7. PAPERWORK

8. MORE PAPERWORK

9. AN EMAIL ABOUT PAPERWORK

10. "DID YOU FINISH THAT PAPERWORK?"

THIS I WILL MISS THIS WEEK

1. Running my school's Glee Club

2. The jokes that my kids make up to try to make me laugh (most are hilariously un-funny...but I laugh at how NOT funny they are...thus they are funny)

3. When I stop everything and I randomly have a dance break in the middle of a lesson

4. The kids thinking I'm awesome/dorky because of this dance break (it usually involves the robot)

5. My kids telling me that random thing that happened that morning that ultimately makes me laugh

6. The life questions I get daily "Why isn't there life on Mars?" "What happens after we die?" "What do we have for lunch?"

7. When I overhear a kid saying something poignant that they don't know is so brilliant

8. My teacher buddies that I can laugh/vent with over a much needed cup/pot/barrel of coffee

9. There's always one day when the whole class has the giggles- and I just can't help but let them giggle themselves into tears because the older you get, the fewer giggle days you get.

10. (Insert the names of my 29 5th graders here)

Slippery Slope

2011-02-14T16:56:00.000-08:00

I have a really hard time trying to decipher where the lines are when it comes to taking care of my kids.

This line is blurred further as I am driving two (minimally) kids to and from school every day. The huge apartment complex closing because of crime rates forced many kids to move a mile or two down the road and subsequently, in another school district. Two kids (neither are in my classroom but one is my mentee and the other is a kid I've grown attached to that is my friend's mentee) are now a part of my daily routine. Even more, actually. Driving them to and from work has made them this integral part of my life.

(side note: one kid is from Honduras and the other from Guatemala. So today, on Valentine's Day, we start talking about holidays in their home countries. The kid from Guatemala says, "We don't have...that weird day when you hide eggs? Yeah that's weird and we don't do that.")

Don't get me wrong, I'm exhausted. I can't explain it exactly though...but I know these kids are special and they need to come to my school. They have a slew of specific idiosyncrasies that would take new teachers too long to figure out...plus they're ESOL (very!) and their progress has been so impressive I want to keep that going.

So one of the kids is particularly needy. Every now and then his mom asks me for a favor and every now and then I have to say no...but it's so hard. I just think of all the thousand things she could ask of me and doesn't. I know this isn't my problem, but knowing what is and what is not my problem has become my problem!!

Friday, for example, as I'm about to leave school with these kids she calls and asks (well, her son translates) if I could pick her up some soap. She has three kids, no car, and she needs some soap. Now I can hear my father's voice saying, "Well that is NOT your problem." but once I know of this and I see how easy it is to fix, I'd have a problem NOT doing it. I couldn't sit in my apartment on the other side of the county knowing all weekend they don't have soap. People in poverty are resourceful, I know she would've found a way, but why shouldn't I help when I can?

This starts me on a slippery (soapy!) slope of favors and errands that I'm not sure how to handle. I've had parents try to take advantage of me before and I know this particular parent isn't doing that (consciously at least) but how can I not?? It's so simple. Isn't it?

I keep seeing this image in my mind...every favor I do isn't a big deal but when they add up it's like I'm being widdled down from a branch to a feeble twig. I feel like a twig.

AW MAN!

2011-01-29T06:54:00.000-08:00

The first few months of school are hell. The kids are testing you. You don't know them. They don't know you. They're trying to get away with murder and seeing how much you care about them by pushing you as far as you can possibly go...it's a crazy time.

This time of the school year is my FAVORITE. My favorite favorite. I've felt such a sense of light happiness in my classroom the last several weeks because we've settled in as a group and we know each other.

With knowing each other, we trust each other and actually genuinely LIKE each other.

My 5th graders will never straight up tell me that they love school because that, my friends, just isn't cool. I can, however, measure how happy they are in my room by the number of "AW MAN!!!"s that come when we have to do something else.

They "AW MAN!" when it's time to pack up.

They "AW MAN!" when it's time for lunch and we're in the middle of something fun or interesting.

They "AW MAN!" when they leave my desk after a particularly silly math lesson.

So maybe my 5th graders will never stand up and say, "I am so loving school right now that I'm not ready for this weekend to come yet." but they sure will say "AW MAN" and it will make me smile my proud-teacher smile.

Now, a big piece of me says "AW MAN" when the weekend comes...but shhhhhh don't tell anyone.

I'd Like You To Meet My Friend...

2011-01-23T17:33:00.001-08:00

Teaching 5th graders how to find the area and circumference of circles is EXTREMELY difficult. Of course to do all of this complicated geometry, they have to learn PI.

I teach math in small group so I do 7 math lessons a day with my kids. Each group is different (they are grouped by ability) but each rotation I get to adjust my lesson and make it better. It's actually pretty interesting how my lessons evolve from group to group...and how I improve and adapt to make my lessons the best they can be.

So the other day I had to introduce this crazy abstract complicated idea of PI. They've never heard of or seen pi before and I was a little worried about introducing this concept to them. It's pretty complicated and they ask about 100 questions when I do simple lessons so I knew this PI lesson would elicit an array of COMPLICATED questions and discussions. I didn't want to intimidate them.

I was in an odd mood that day (which...uhh...NEVER HAPPENS) and I decided to come up with this whole routine. I got pretty into it.

I'd go...

"OH my gosh you guys I have to introduce you to a good friend of mine!!"

(I'd go into a whole shpeal about how I've known this friend for a while and he's so handsome and helpful and I couldn't wait for them to meet him)

"WHOO???"

"Well, I've known him for a long time and oh let me draw him for you."

(I'd draw pi on my whiteboard)

Then I went into a routine about how he's 3.14 years old and he love love loves circles and his birthday is March 14th...it was pretty crazy.

The kids got totally into it. They now don't call it "PI" but they call it "Our friend PI" and we get so excited whenever we see it somewhere. I have some students drawing him and his PI family between subjects, making power points entitled "My Friend PI"...I mean, he's a real rockstar in our room.

(This is when you probably think I'm a huge dork. Think away!!)

So fast forward to this past weekend when I drove some of our Reading Bowl kids to the annual competition. The competition took place in a High School and we're all sitting there getting ready for the session to start and one of my kids starts getting really giddy. She comes up to me, basically bouncing, "I SEE HIM! I SEE OUR FRIEND PI!"

On the wall of this high school classroom is an equation with PI in it. The students in the competition from my class were talking to each other "LOOK! THERE HE IS!!" and "OUR FRIEND PI IS HERE!" it was without an ounce of sarcasm and with all the enthusiasm I could ever hope for. The other 5th graders were looking at my students like they had 3 heads.

This moment made me so happy not just because they got excited about math but because it took me a long time with them to help them be so silly in front of other people. To be unafraid of being unique. The only way to teach this to kids is to model it for them. I am silly and loud and eccentric and myself all the time in front of my kids and when I mess up or say something wrong, I admit it and laugh at myself. I sing and dance and run around because that's who I am and I want them to see that so they might be more of who THEY are.

Our adoration of the rockstar PI is ridiculous and makes us look strange, but my 5th graders are unafraid of that. They act silly and pretend like PI is Jay-Z status and it is awesome.

This silly moment makes my kids special and makes that moment special and makes my job special. (Not to mention it helps kids find circumference.................)

Why I Go To Work

2010-12-18T09:32:00.000-08:00

I woke up on Thursday and felt like I had just been hit by a truck. BUT...I wasn't SURE I was sick so I went into school anyway. I got my temperature taken by our school nurse and turns out it was 102 which is...uh...kind of high.

I am a daddy's girl so I called home and my dad offered to take me to the doctor because I felt so dizzy...so there I am, in the car, with my dad, and I just burst into tears.

A lot of my kids move over Christmas. Because of the transiency at our school, moving is inevitable especially over Christmas break. On top of this, with that apartment complex closing a lot of our students are being forced to move over break. I knew I wouldn't see some of my kids again after Christmas...and this made me so sad. I was SO worried that the doctor would say I had a flu and I couldn't return to work. I was balling like a baby over this scary and sad thought.

The doc said he couldn't imagine I'd be better by the next day and to take it easy.

So, I got my meds, ate some soup, went to bed. I told myself that I WOULD be better by morning. I knew I had to be.

I woke up Friday morning and had NO fever so I went to work.

Not only did I get to see a few of my kids on their last day (and give them HUGE hugs where I may or may not have cut off the oxygen to their brain) something else happened that made going to work invaluable.

I can't write about it because it is a really serious matter but I will just say this: I am in the right job. I am not a perfect teacher, I am not always on top of curriculum and standards and how to best reach each kid with this or that research based instruction...but I know I have an instinct that means I'm in the right job.

Because I went to work yesterday and because I trusted my gut, something happened that would not have happened had I not been there. Just because I went to work, had my ears open, and followed my instinct.

I'm not there just to teach them. In fact, some days that seems like the very last thing on the totem pole that I am there to do. I'm there to be their advocate. To hear their voice. I listen to what they say and, more importantly, what they don't say. To be present.

I love having a job where my showing up makes a difference. Friday it made a huge one. That's why I go to work.

Max

2010-12-14T18:19:00.001-08:00

Things around my school have been a little stressful lately. The apartment complex where a large majority of our students live is being shut down due to incessant crime and guess when they have to leave? Over Christmas. Basically, the Grinch is stealing Christmas this year and I'm powerless over that.

A lot of my kids don't know where they are going to live after the complex shuts down. A lot of our families are being put in an awful position. A lot of people are going to have no home. Families will be homeless. It's inevitable. It's happening daily; it's breaking my heart.

Unfortunately, I can't do anything about all of this. I can't make the apartment complex have less crime and I can't stop it from being torn down. We can't always give our kids homes when they don't have one. This, sadly, is the truth.

As a teacher to these kids I have to think about what I can change.

I can be kind. I can make them laugh. I can make them feel safe. I can make them smile. I can try to make them forget that Christmas is going to be particularly hard this year.

Today I read "How The Grinch Stole Christmas" to my class. As I was reading, and I had a captive audience of 32 fifth graders, I thought about the theme of the book and how it relates to my kids.

Bare with me, I totally made the book about the situation and while it is in very simplistic terms...this is how I broke it down:

The Grinch: Poverty

Cindy Loo-Who: My Students

Max the dog: ME

I can't change the Grinch and I can't change that they are the Whos down in Who-ville, but I can be MAX. I can do what I can to bring a slice of happiness to the situation wherever I can. Sometimes that means not being the demanding strict teacher but being the silly, smiling teacher. This is hard for me because I want to always have HIGH expectations and them to do their VERY best...but it's Christmas. Maybe I can slack off.......just a little.

So despite their reading levels and math scores, I'm going to try to be Max this week. I'm going to try and be cheerful and positive because Christmas is going to my hard for them and I HAVE to remember that. I HAVE to remember that. I have to remember that Christmas comes with or without presents. I have to remember that my Christmas as a kid is totally different than the Christmas my students will have. I have to remember that Christmas isn't about gifts, it's about my kids...and how happy they make me.

This teacher hopes she makes them half as happy as they make her.

And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled ’till his puzzler w
as sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn’t come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.
- Dr. Seuss

I Am Okay With Looking Like An Idiot...

2010-11-29T17:49:00.000-08:00

I tend to make a complete fool of myself in front of my students.

I want to have students that are CONFIDENT in their uniqueness and brave in new situations so I had to muster up some confidence of my own.

I wrote a song about the 4 types of sentences because...

A. They have to know what they are

and

B. They don't know what they are

I wrote the song to a popular Justin Bieber tune (because yesterday I was bored and became suddenly inspired) and I even added movements. I then rehearsed these movements in my apartment and broke a sweat I was so into it. I woke up SO excited to go to work and try out the song with my guitar with my students.

(Please, take a moment to picture a 26 year old in her apartment dancing to a Bieber song about declarative, imperative, exclamatory, and interrogative sentences in her apartment and loving every minute of it. OK, you done?)

When the kids see me bring in the guitar, they know I'm gonna do something strange...so I had them hooked immediately. I introduced the lyrics to them, then the movements, and then I got nervous.

Now, I don't care that I look like an idiot in front of my kids because I know my kids love me and I know that my looking like a fool encourages them to take chances. But for some reason, I was really nervous about performing the song and getting them to like it!

I told them that I knew that my moves could definitely be improved so they could add their own ideas to the dance. I also told them that I knew I'd look silly doing the song, but I do it for THEM...

and then I played.

They did laugh. Duh. But, after all the giggling, they tried to get it. They started singing and moving and most of them had a great time. A couple boys in the back looked at me like they wanted to kill me with a thousand ninja swords, but I have a plan to entice them tomorrow.

So tomorrow is round 2. We're gonna sing and dance the song again, but this time with a challenge:

If they learn the song and dance, and pass the quiz I'll give them Wednesday, they can perform the song to an MP3 I downloaded and I'll videotape it for us all to watch with popcorn.

Maybe the song is ridiculous and my dance moves are lame, but I woke up this morning excited to share it with them because regardless of it all, I knew we'd all laugh.

And boy did we.

The Pouting Song

2010-11-09T17:40:00.000-08:00

I taught third grade two years ago so this year I have several of those third graders again, now in 5th grade. This helps because I start the year with relationships already built and personalities I already have a bit of a hold on.

One student I have is a boy who is AWESOME. He's hilarious, witty, kind, and he's basically just a big goofball who cracks jokes and makes me smile.

...Well, most of the time.

This kid is what I like to call a "perpetual pouter." He pouts over the most RIDICULOUS things!! If he doesn't get his way, he sticks his lips out, furrows his eyebrows, and causes d-r-a-m-a. His mom and I have talked about this about a dozen times and we are both fed up.

Now, I didn't know what to do with this in 3rd grade but I knew from day one this year that this would be an issue. I KNEW he was still a perpetual pouter and I wanted it STOPPED.

I will stop the story there and tell you that I am a musical person. I often write little jingles for students or situations and the kids sing along. It's somehow become part of who I am as a teacher and, like it or not, it's a part of my day. I make up songs, most of which totally suck, but usually at least one kid gets a kick out of it.

The perpetual pouter has his own jingle. The goal and intent of the jingle is to make him laugh so that whenever he is in one of his pouting sessions, he breaks into a smile and is unable to continue his attention-seeking-pouting-drama.

So.... I don't know exactly how the song originated...and I didn't try hard to make it great, it just came out. It just came from my vocal chords, filled the room, and made the perpetual pouter stop pouting. It's incredibly catchy, works well with harmonizing and snapping accompaniment, and is easy to memorize. I now sing it (along with half my kids in the room) whenever a student is pouting over something silly. It' goes a little something like this...

"Stop pouting-
It's really frustrating-
It's driving me crazy-
Stop pouting now!"

Ok, it doesn't look like anything much, but if you hear me sing it, it'll be stuck in your head for DAYS. I mean, you'll wanna make it your ringtone.

Of course I don't sing this when a kid is upset over an ACTUAL problem, I just sing it when it is a kid who is pouting because they didn't get their way and they are acting a fool.

So there you have it: a totally un-researched base silly solution to a silly problem. Feel free to use it in your rooms because my non-research research states that it works 98.7% of the time.

What I Know For Sure

2010-11-08T17:27:00.000-08:00

Life, my friends, is unstable. People are unpredictable. Relationships are faulty.

I've experienced all of this lately and in the midst of it, I have ONE constant... my students.

Yes, my students can be unstable and unpredictable, but every morning they show up. Every morning at 7:10, kids start trickling in. No matter how life might seem, like clockwork, they show up. Every single day.

There's something so comforting about that routine of them coming in and expecting me to be there. Waiting for them. A full day planned.

Every single day they greet me and have a new story to tell me.
Every single day they make me laugh.
Every single day they challenge me somehow.
Every single day they make me feel important and necessary.

Everyone assumes that we teachers are there to make our kids feel loved, valued, important, and special. Of course, this is true.

I don't think that people think of it the other way around, though.

So no matter what happens tonight...no matter who lets me down or what drives me CRAZY, my kids will show up tomorrow morning. They'll show up, wish me a "Good morning!" and tell me about some crazy thing that happened on the bus or what ridiculous thing their little brother did...and I'll laugh.

This I know for sure.

The Art of Multi-Tasking

2010-11-01T14:56:00.001-07:00

Today was a day where I truly realized (yet again) that teachers have to be MASTER multi-taskers. We just do.

Today I had a kid who was being punished -- long story -- so he was sitting with me at my desk.

(Note: there are two types of kids in my classroom. The type that love sitting at my desk and the type that DESPISE sitting at my desk. The difference between these two types is whether or not you're in trouble. If you're in trouble, my desk is the fourth circle of hell. If you're not in trouble, my desk is like the cool kid's table in a high school cafeteria).

So, this kid was at my desk trying his BEST to annoy the living daylights out of me. I, like a teacher tired of being in a losing battle, was trying my best to ignore. He was smacking his lips and hitting a textbook and I was attempting to teach a guided reading lesson to three lovely, patient kids.

Picture it: kid driving me crazy, me, and three kids trying to read... While I was listening to these kids read, I'd randomly tap my fingers on the kid's textbook to remind him that he needed to open it and actually read it instead of using it as a drum.......... In the midst of all this, I see one of my kids falling asleep on the floor and try (with my eyes) to communicate to the kid NEXT to that kid to wake him up.............I also have two kids trying to fix my broken stapler and I'm attempting to WILL the stapler not to cause bodily harm to them.................I have one kid running repeatedly up to my desk to show me a project on the Liberty Bell (something we are NOT studying WHATSOEVER) so I'm trying to redirect him with gestures and hand signals resembling a baseball 3rd base coach...............and I, in the distance, see a student trying to make the longest pencil shaving in the history of the world so I'm giving HIM the "evil-get-back-to-work" eyes.

All. Happening. Simultaneously.

The day AFTER Halloween should be a school holiday.

Yes, I see my kids outside of school. Feel free to look at me like I'm crazy.

2010-10-24T11:14:00.001-07:00

Whenever a student invites me to something, I really try to make a point to attend.

Now, this makes me a little crazy in the eyes of the general population, and at times I think it's a little crazy too. I'll be sitting at a football game of one of my kids (who is on the field and clearly cannot see I'm there) and I'll wonder, "Why am I here when I could be doing something else?"

The reason I keep going is because it ALWAYS pays off.

Yesterday I went to the birthday party of the LITTLE SISTER of one of my students. Yes, it was a Saturday. Yes, the party was for a sibling of one of my students. Yes, the Auburn football game was on. Yes, I missed seeing Auburn beat LSU. But I went...and I'm so glad I did.

See, this family has been on my radar for a few years now. I had my 5th grader in 3rd grade and always was unsure of what her home life was like. Now, this 5th grader lives with ANOTHER of my students (whose father was recently deported) so I really wanted to see what their apartment was like and what family they had around.

The little sister (who dressed up as tinkerbell and couldn't stop requesting me to chase her because she was high off sugar) has somehow decided that I'm her favorite person...thus the invite.The apartment complex they live in has like ten of my students living there so while at the party, I saw my kids everywhere. It was awesome! They got to see ME outside of school and I got to see them. We were chasing each other, they were showing off their cartwheel skillz (yes, with a "z") and we were eating homemade tamales and laughing.

During all the fun, one of my other fifth grade students at the party seemed a little too quiet. I asked her a few times if she was ok, and she shrugged it off, but it obvious that she was uneasy. Behind us in the apartment complex, we saw a police car show up and go to an apartment. Turns out, that apartment was HER apartment because her family had called the cops for an issue entirely too complicated to explain here.

No wonder she was uncomfortable.

Would I have known this had happened had I not shown up for a 3rd graders birthday party? Probably not.

Seeing where my kids live and how their families are greatly impacts how I deal with them in the classroom.
Likewise, having them see me take time to hang out with them outside of school greatly impacts how they deal with ME in the classroom.

So after the police left, the kids cheered up a bit and the dancing commenced. I took my tamales (I got some to go!) and left grateful that I attended.

You never know what you'll learn when you just show up.

Bully

2010-10-23T10:37:00.001-07:00

We have a bully in our classroom and I'm fed UP. But before I get to that, let's have some updates, shall we?

Gerbil Status: Still alive.
Eye of Gerbil Status: Still just the one.
Kids: 30
Conference Week: Successful.
Coffee Intake: Off the charts.

Ok, now down to business.

It is a policy at our school that it is a BULLY FREE ZONE. We don't accept it whatsoever and I, personally, take it very seriously. It seems like this issue has been recently heightened in the media due to the suicides that have been a result of bullying and I have been hyper-sensitive to it lately.

I have a boy in my room that is BIG. I mean, he could take me out with a punch. The thing about him is, he's not one-dimensional. He's a complicated kid. It's never just that someone is a "bully"- there's always something behind it.

I personally (generally) like the kid. He's a big GOOF when he's behaving and he just wants to be liked. Seems like his home situation is somewhat stable, but you never can tell. When it is just me and this boy, things are good. He's positive, wants attention, loves to talk one-on-one and is just a fun kid to be around.

Then..............out of nowhere....he's the complete opposite. He was our first kid this year to get suspended for fighting and has punched several people in the course of a couple months. Where does this anger come from? I don't know. How do I get to the core of it? HELL IF I KNOW!

I'm trying so hard and I feel like we've made such great strides since his suspension. I've made a point to be positive with him, get him a male mentor who comes and hangs out with him weekly, the guidance counselor has him on her radar and visits frequently, and things have been going well. Then yesterday happened.

Out of nowhere, he just becomes this HUGE jerk. One of my girls (who I also had in 3rd grade) was telling him not to do something and he just went off.

(Before I go further, let me explain. This girl is about as big as my pinky finger and this boy is about the size of a dump truck. Ok, moving on...)

I wasn't there for what happened next but apparently he got ANGRY and started yelling at her, she said something generic about his mom, and he just LAID into her about how she's a "bastard" and her mom is stupid and ugly and so on and so forth.

A lot of this doesn't sit well with me. For starters, this girl's dad isn't around so the word "bastard" makes me queezy. Second, her mom has stage 4 cancer and is battling her life with chemo so even mention of the word "mom" elicits emotion.

So, long story short, the bully's parents didn't answer my angry phone call so I rode the bus home with him (as he was steaming) because I was worried he'd get into yet another fight on the bus. Plus, I kinda just wanted to put him in his place a little bit by embarrassing him by sitting next to him on the bus. I'm sure his parents won't bother to call me back and that's probably a sign of why he continues to act like this.

I left school yesterday with a pit in my stomach about it because that girl won't forget what he said about her. She'll always remember. She's afraid of him, which is something I have to deal with in the classroom. He's embarrassed, angry, and ashamed, and I don't know how to fix that. No one is the winner here.

I don't know how to deal with this bully and I fear that it is too late to have an impact.
I don't know what to do about the people he bullies and I fear that they will be affected.
I don't know how I'm supposed to deal with all that and still teach them how to add fractions with unlike denominators and explain the importance of Cattle Drives after The Civil War.

I don't know.

The Mentoring Program

2010-09-21T14:22:00.000-07:00

This is our school's second year doing a Mentoring program.

Here's the scoop: It's for 5th grade students and any teacher in the building can mentor a 5th grade student. The students selected are those that either didn't pass the CRCT last year and/or have challenging home lives where they might need extra love, attention, and support.

Last year I mentored a LOVELY 5th grade girl who I became so close with over the year. I didn't even notice the impact until the last day of school when we both cried as we said goodbye.

The only parameters are that you spend time OUTSIDE of school with these 5th graders and if you are a 5th grade teacher you cannot mentor a student in your own class. This year I am mentoring two boys (yes, I am brave) and I'm so excited!!

Yesterday was our first day out! They really wanted to go to Burger King (go figure) so we loaded up on burgers and fries. Yum. Then, we went to their public library (where they'd never been before) and looked at books and getting a library card. After that, off to the park where they got out all their energy with other kids (many from our school) and finally, ice cream. It was a great day.

That sounds simple, huh? Somehow it was more profound yesterday.

A kid who used to go to the school I teach at was kidnapped this past weekend. Yesterday, thank GOD, he made it home safe. He was kidnapped from right next to the school. While I haven't heard for sure, it's allegedly gang related.

Yesterday when I was driving around these two boys doing silly stuff (I gotta tell ya, they freakin' love my iPHONE and have mastered all the free games I have on there) I thought about that kid that had disappeared from right next to my school. I know that I teach in a place where kids are dealing with things I can't imagine. When I went to pick them up yesterday and I saw where they live, I seriously have to take a minute to put on my "brave happy teacher" smile.

There are a lot of things I can't fix.
I can't fix where the school is located or how those apartments look.
I can't fix the crime or the gangs or the fact that their dads is not coming home.
But damnit, if they want some burgers and fries and a trip to the park, I'll do that.

One Eyed GIrl

2010-08-31T16:14:00.000-07:00

Sit down. Relax. Cuddle up with your favorite blanket. Let me tell you a story....

There is a little gerbil at a pet store. She is in the manager's office because she's different from all the other little gerbils. She's sweet, quiet, happy, and a good pet.....but she can't be sold. Why can't she be sold? Because this sweet little gerbil only has one eye. The pet store can't sell her because she is so different so that poor little gerbil is free. Alas, no one has offered to buy her so she stays in the dark office all day long. She waits, hoping each time that office door is opened, that some family has come to adopt her.

One day, a volunteer for a 5th grade classroom heard about this sweet little gerbil and told a teacher she knows. This teacher said, "I have a classroom full of wonderful kids who desperately want a class pet. They want something that will listen to them, without judgment, and who will be there for them when they are sad. We could use a little gerbil just as much as a little gerbil could use us."

Tomorrow, that little sweet one-eyed gerbil is going to find her new home in a classroom full of crazy, wonderful 5th grade kids.

Good GOD I hope we don't accidentally kill it.

Or do something to lose the other eye.

In An Office Somewhere...

2010-08-18T15:19:00.000-07:00

"You're funnier than the roast of David Hasselhoff."

A 5th grader told me that today.

Sometimes, my job gets me down. It stresses me out with paperwork and meetings and all that crap. Other times, like recently, my job totally rocks.
Yesterday, I was reading the book Zathura by Chris VanAllsburg with my kids and it was another one of those moments when I knew I was meant to be a teacher. In the book, there is a robot. When I was reading the book with my kids, I (duh!) did the robot voice. Which then led into me asking them to imitate a robot voice. Which then led into robot impressions. It was FANTASTIC!

I was thinking about the people I graduated High School with sitting in an office somewhere. Sure, those people probably like their jobs and I'm pretty positive they make more money than I do. But in that moment, I thought of our parallel lives and how I was doing the robot with 32 kids and they were sitting in an office somewhere.

I thought the same thing when I was dancing to our clean up song.
I thought the same thing when I was having an in depth conversation on the merits of different super hero powers with a kid.

I don't realize enough how lucky I am to do the job that I do. I get to be around interesting, curious, inquisitive, hilarious, intelligent kids all day long who ask me every question you can imagine and even more that you can't.

So again today, when a kid told me I was funnier than the roast of David Hasselhoff, I realized that I'm so lucky I'm not stuck in an office somewhere and that I have the job I have.

(Remind me of this when I'm neck deep in RTI paperwork............)

Pushing Buttons

2010-08-12T18:14:00.000-07:00

We've been in school for a week now so I'm just beginning to get to know my 32 5th graders!

The thing about the first weeks of school is...I already respect them. I already am excited about being around them. I already know they're capable and wonderful individuals. They, on the other hand, think I'm some strange white woman who they get to walk ALL over until proven otherwise. So these few weeks, I have to prove myself.

They don't know me. They don't have any allegiance or love for me yet. So they are seeing how much they can push my buttons and how I react. They're catching to make sure I'm listening when they talk. And they're acting ridiculous to try to see if I'll even notice!

For example, the first day of school I was explaining something whole group and a student TOTALLY was bossing around a classmate. I, of course, called her out on it and politely explained that she doesn't tell other people what to do--especially in such a rude way. She got an attitude you wouldn't believe! So I had to stand up to that. I had to tell her that she doesn't get to have an attitude with me because she will lose EVERY TIME.

It was a moment that I'd rather not ever have...but I had to show the kids that being rude to me simply isn't an option.

I have to set my expectations now. I have to set my barriers now. I have to show them how I expect them to behave and the consequences when they don't meet those expectations.

Some people might think all of that is a little harsh for the first week but juuuuuuuuuuuuuust you wait. I've had to learn the hard way. If you start out strict and back off, you're good. If you start out slacking and then try to gain that respect, you're done for. Tag that toe, you're dead.

So this week (and I imagine the week to come) they are seeing what they can and can't get away with. I'm freaking EXHAUSTED. It's like boot camp.......with 32 pre-teens.

I can't wait until we have the routines set in the room and all this chaos can dissipate... until then, I'm gonna need some coffee, advil, and the bedtime of a 4 year old.

Hakuna Matata

2010-08-04T18:19:00.001-07:00

And so begins my annual tradition of watching The Lion King the night before the first day of school. (If you don't know this, read back the last few years. It's basically the only thing that calms my nerves, watching this movie. And yes, I have considered therapy).

I met my new 5th graders last night- and boy do I have a lot on my hands! They're challenging, hilarious, sweet, unique, fun, strange, and lovely. And I'm stoked.

I'm nervous. I would've thought that by my 4th year, I'd be less nervous...but the nerves are rampant through my system. What if I have forgotten how to do this and they attack me like a pack of hungry hyenas? (I see a visual in my head...do you?)

I'm going to go to bed tonight thinking of every possible thing that I could do wrong tomorrow- but I'm trying to be very Simone and Pumba. Very Hakuna Matata. The thing is, I have the basics: I love those kids and I'm so excited to get to know them. I want them to be the best students they can be and I can't wait to hear the next thing they're going to say.

I think, quite possibly, the first year I'm not nervous is the year I should contemplate another job.

It's the nerves that make me want to question how to do things to make them better.
It's the nerves that make me think of new, fun ways to teach.
It's the nerves that connects me to them- because they have first day jitters too (by the way, First Day Jitters is a book I'm reading to them tomorrow- google it, my friends).

Ready or not, here they come! HAKUNA MATATA!

10 Tips For Setting Up Your Room

2010-07-19T17:57:00.000-07:00

This week I'm back at school getting my classroom ready. Because I am a perfectionist when it comes to my room, this is an important week. I want everything to be both functional and aesthetically pleasing (not unlike plastic surgery) and there is SO much to do.

(In case you don't know, every May teachers have to completely clean their classroom and move all of their furniture to one pile so that the custodial class can clean the carpet. This means that every year you get the chance to completely rebuild your room. Or be lame and make it exactly the same as last year).

I've made some rules for myself that a teacher might find helpful when going back for pre-planning classroom setup.

1. When in doubt, THROW IT AWAY.
Good teachers could teach without any bells or whistles so no, you don't need to keep the Georgia Landforms packet or those laminated sheets you haven't used since Clinton was in office. Rule of thumb: if you haven't used it in a year then toss it.

2. Refer to rule number one.
Seriously.

3. Organize LOGICALLY.
Kids are about to come in that room and tear everything apart. Make it organized but don't make it so only Yale graduates and Mensa members can figure out where the scissors go.
4. Pretend you have 10 more kids than you did last year.
Last year I set up my room for maybe 25 and I had 32 at one point. Those kids had no cubby ready for them and chairs were only being found in Indiana Jones type discovery operations during PE. When a new kid comes, they want to have a place.
5. Keep the kids in mind ALWAYS.
What grade are you teaching? Can they reach those pencils? Is that eight syllable vocabulary appropriate for 2nd grade? Also, keep the computers where you can see the screens if you look up because playing internet poker while they should be researching The Pony Express isn't productive. Unless they win money. In that case, it's incredibly productive.

6. EUW.
I am a clean freak. I have a $200+ dollar rug that has been sat on by too many butts, peed on by one too many kids (it was only one....which is one too many) and tripped on by way to many adults (which was fun to watch but a hazard nonetheless). Even if you love it, if it is a different color now than it was when you bought it, EUW. Get rid of it.
(I'd like to take this moment to remember my IKEA rug. I'll miss you old chap).

7. It's Electric! Boogie Ooogie Oogie!
I have 6 computers in my room and there are wires out the wazoo. Get someone smarter than me in there to organize that crap or you'll regret it when a kid accidentally ropes their foot with an internet cord and the electricity in the building goes out.
(This probably couldn't happen. Which proves you definitely need someone smarter than I am to set up your computers).

8. HAPPY!
You only have to ask yourself this: Is your room an Eeyore room or a Tigger room?

9. Needs
If you need a table, find a way to get one. Lie, cheat, steal, do WHATEVER it takes! Your school's custodial staff is probably WAY overbooked and have way too much to do. Find that table, wait til no one is watching, and run it back to your room. Then, wipe for fingerprints because that kindergarten teacher you stole it from will be looking for you.
10. You Chose This.
Remember, you chose this job. You are not forced to be a teacher. You did not get held at gunpoint and dragged to the local elementary school...you chose this. If you are already annoyed by this and it isn't even pre-planning, you'll be an awful teacher this year. The kids know you don't want to be there. You'll be depressed by October and suicidal by Christmas so just quit now and eat Ramen noodles instead of attempting another year at a job you hate. I know this job is hard and thinking about this upcoming year is exhausting, but stop complaining because THIS WAS YOUR DECISION.

Ok, #10 was probably directed at one individual I know at my school so forgive me for that tirade.

IKEA RUG
Summer 2007-Summer 2010
Thanks for the memories...

Friday

2010-07-14T14:12:00.001-07:00

Hard to believe but it is time to get back in the swing of things...new kids, new-coteacher, new year. That's one great thing about teaching- every year is a fresh start. Every year you get to catch your breath and start again. Starting this new school year does make me think of the kids I'll miss. One in particular...

Every Friday I have a student that calls me. She wishes she could call me daily, I'm sure, but at the end of the year I looked her straight in the eye and said:
"Look. I will miss you a lot and I'd like to keep in touch. But we gotta set limits on this thing. You can call me throughout the summer but only ONCE A WEEK."

Now, she takes this very seriously. I don't even know what day of the week it is and then my phone will ring (approximately noon) and I know: Oh, it's Friday.

Our conversations are extremely short. It's almost that she either just wants to see if I'm still alive or remind me that she's still alive. This is usually how it goes...

Me: "Hello?"
Her: "HI!"
Me: "Oh, it's Friday. How are you?"
Her: "GREAT! How are youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu?"
Me: "I'm great too. How's your summer?"
Her: "Gooooooooooooood. Hows YOUUUUUUUUUUR summer?"
Me: "Good. Ok, well I'll talk to you next Friday."
Her: "I LOVE YOU! BYEEEEEEEEE!"

And that's it. When I tell this story to people, I usually laugh it off. But somehow, it's comforting. It's a simple act that takes about 30 seconds but somehow it says to me that I've had an impact. I understand that it most likely means that her summer is extremely boring, but I choose to go with "impact." It's a reminder that what I do is remembered.

This year I'll get a new batch of kids with new personalities and struggles. As the year is approaching, I'm finding that I'm needing to get back into the rhythm of it all. It's what I'm supposed to be doing. I miss the kids. The crazy, nutzo, loving kids.

Soon, every day will be Friday.

What Does A Teacher Do In The Summer?

2010-06-14T13:07:00.000-07:00

Not a whole hell of a lot.

Last week I went to a conference in Perry, Georgia with some teachers and my administrators about Reading and Writing. The keynote speaker was a guy named Danny Brassell. He was also the highest note of that conference.

Each day of the two day conference there were 4 sessions so 8 sessions in all (I've noticed that sometimes I accidentally talk to adults like I would to kids so sorry that I implied that you can't add 4 + 4 or multiply 4 x 2). The Brassell guy did four different sessions and I attended every one because he was just so infectiously excited about teaching. If nothing else, his sessions were a reminder that the classroom should be fun, we should have fun, and we should make teaching fun.

I've only been teaching 3 years and I get why people quit this job. Brassell talked about it in his keynote address...this just is a really hard job to have and a really hard job to do well. Fortunately, Brassell talked about the reality of the job and how ridiculous it can be with administrators breathing down your back and parents knocking at your door daily. I was really glad I got to hear him speak to remind me (even though I'm only 26) that I want to have FUN. I want to be the BEST teacher in the school so EVERY KID walks by my room and thinks, "OH MAN!!! I wanna be in that class."

The rest of the conference wasn't quite as interesting (although there was a session about fluency and how to develop it through singing in the classroom that I really liked). I'm always amazed by the fact that as teachers we understand that our kids have a hard time paying attention to lectures and power points...but what is every conference? Lectures and power points. Grown ups are kids in bigger bodies. We get bored too.

So my goal this summer as a teacher is to do the five following things:
1. Sleep
aka: not setting my alarm for 5:00 AM.
(I just want to let you know that when you wake up and you see the clock on your bedside table that shows "5:00" a little piece of you starts to die. This piece of you is rejuvenated with coffee, by the way.)
2. Read
Gotta exercise what is between my ears!
3. Reboot.
I'm like a computer that has been working too long and hard and is starting to lose power. I gotta reboot so I can start back in JULY ... (yes, the end of July. Remember when school started in the FALL?) as a new woman.
4. Think about my future.
I've started thinking about life beyond Elementary School. I'm thinking sometime in the next few years I might look at Middle Schools. I know, I know. When you hear the words "middle school" you think of crippling insecurities and depression beyond imagination. I figure, I hated Middle School and I want as few kids to hate it as much as I did so maybe I'll give it a try some day...
5. Lose the Bitter
This past year was really hard on me professionally. I gotta stand up for myself when given the chance. I have to remember that I'm a commodity and I have a voice. As Brassell would say, "GOMBA"...which stands for "Get Off My Back Administrator."
Sidenote: If my administrator ever reads this one day...you are awesome. You are a wonder to behold. You're the top.

Not 5th Graders Anymore

2010-05-20T17:58:00.000-07:00

Every year, on the eve of the last day of school, there is a 5th grade dinner. It is a time when we celebrate the kids, their parents come, and everyone gets dressed up. It's a tradition that this year I actually got to be a part of as a 5th grade teacher.

Seeing my kids tonight all dressed up really sealed it: they aren't 5th graders anymore. They're big kids about to enter the scary world of middle school and leave the comfort they've grown so accustomed to. In elementary school, they're the top dogs. They know the school like the back of their hands. They feel safe here where everyone knows them and they know everyone.

Next year, this all changes. Knowing that they're about to leave elementary school feels like a huge milestone in their lives and I'm a part of it. Tonight was the end of the beginning.

Every year at my elementary school they give an award to ONE 5th grader and this year it was a girl in my class. This award goes to a kid who we know will do great things in their life. Someone who really stands out.
This young lady is deserving of any award that anyone could give her. She's incredibly bright, kind, and has been going to our school since kindergarten (which is very rare for our community) Her family is spectacular. I can't sing her praises enough- she's hilarious and she keeps me on my toes (and could probably teach YOU a few things...)

No one knew who was going to get this prestigious award until tonight. The principal went up in front of the whole crowd and talked about the award before she announced its' recipient. When our principal said the name of my student, I looked at her and her family. The girl looked shocked and excited but her mom...her mom just started to cry.

Seeing her mother's face...I can't even describe how emotional it was. Her family works so hard for what they have, coming here from Mexico and making a wonderful life for themselves. Her mother's face showed a pride that only a mother could have for her child.

When the family came on stage, my student started to cry. She looked at me and we both cried and hugged and it was a moment I'll never forget. Even though it was only a little over an hour ago, I don't know why it was so emotional...but it was and still is.

Whatever it is about these kids is special. I don't know why I am so emotional about them, but I am.

Every year I get like this. These kids are my life for a year. All I do is work to teach them and be a part of their lives. I spend all my days with them and this year spent a lot of time outside of school with them. We go through a lot together, like a family. I see them grow from who they were to who they're becoming and every year I get so emotional to see them go.

Tomorrow is the last day of school and me, being the sap that I am, will cry. Seeing them get on the bus for the last time at elementary school will be difficult for me. I mean, think about you as a 5th grader and then you as a 6th grader...it's a huge leap. From kid to adolescent.

I know I sound CRAZY (which some teachers tell me) for being so sad about the end of the year. Don't get me wrong, I look forward to sleeping in and having no paperwork...but maybe I'm just different. These kids are my life all year. From August to May, they're it. I know that sounds ridiculous, but they totally are. I'm single- no husband or kids of my own- so these kids are my world. They're who I'm asked about at parties and dinners, who I talk about to my family every day, who I get phone calls from multiple times a week, who I work tirelessly for. Maybe I'm not sure who I am without them.

Anyways...tomorrow they're officially not 5th graders anymore. And I, for one, am FREAKING out.

The Ocean is Salty

2010-05-17T16:16:00.000-07:00

Late Friday night we got back from our 3 day trip to Savannah, Georgia. The 5th grade goes every year and this year I had the...distinct pleasure...of planning the trip. All year I spent FREAKING OUT that we wouldn't make the money but after much fund raising and many sleepless nights we raised all of the money.

The trip is one that we will never forget! It's amazing, most of the kids had never been to the ocean. They were grateful and wonderful for everything we did but the ocean was their FAVORITE by far.

There is nothing like seeing the ocean for the first time. Most of us are too young that we don't remember that moment but these kids will cherish it forever. They were only to go up to their knees in the water but they got soaking wet and you know what? I didn't care! Watching them jump over waves and experience the beach for the first time ever was incredible.

I was amazed by how many kids were surprised that the ocean is salty. Yeah, they've read that before and "knew" it...but they didn't know it. They'd never experienced it.

There is only so much teaching we can do in classrooms.

So after three days away from their parents, we all made it back alive. Yes, there was throwing up. Yes, there were several minor (hilarious in retrospect) injuries. Yes, the boys tried to hit on girls in a CiCi's Pizza. Yes, one kid bit another kid in a wrestling match. But they saw the ocean. And it was salty.

BARF.

2010-05-04T16:45:00.000-07:00

So...we find out this week which of our kids didn't pass the CRCT. Because of lack of funding (bleck), there is no Summer School this year. Therefore, we are trying to PREDICT who didn't pass and RETEACH everything we think they need remediation on before they have to RETAKE the test on the last week of school.

PREDICT + RETEACH + RETAKE = One of the reasons I went home from work throwing up today. I am freaking out about this test, my kids, and how I'm going to make all this work.

I am so freaking out about this. I don't know who didn't pass, although I have made a list. I'm not sure how much they might not have passed by. And finally, I don't know which things exactly to reteach to ensure that when they take the test again they will get right the questions they originally got wrong.

I think about this every day. We are reminded every day about this. I freak out about this every day and have since we first heard there was no summer school. I am constantly reminded how important this is. In 5th grade, they have to pass Reading and Math. I'm just terrified.

So when I feel pathetic, this is my inner monologue....
I feel like the kids who don't pass are a direct reflection of what I could've done this year but didn't. I feel like I have failed, not them. I suck. WHY do they put me in such an important grade and expect miracles?! WHY DID I CHOOSE TEACHING? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

But when I feel confident, this is my inner monologue...
I taught the crap outta this stuff all year. I tried my hardest, and I know that they did well. Not only do I rock, my kids rock. YEAHHHH!

So we should find out by Friday or, latest, next Monday. This is when I will start trying to contact the devil and see how much my soul is going for these days and start negotiations.

The Other Wes Moore

2010-04-27T17:32:00.000-07:00

Oprah today was about these two guys both named Wes Moore. They grew up in the same neighborhood, about the same age, single parent homes, both from a rough part of town and both getting into trouble. One Wes Moore grew up to be a Wall Street Rhodes Scholar and the other is in prison for murder.

The point of the episode was basically to show the parallel between the two Wes Moores. That two guys with the same names and growing up in the same situation ended up veering off in two very different directions. How did this happen? Why did one end up on Wall Street and the other in prison?

The "x factors" were basically support and education.

Since most of my kids come from one parent homes (almost ALWAYS the dad is long gone) and the Wes Moores grew up in that environment too, it made me think about my kids. There is a big chance that a lot of my students will drop out. There is a big chance that they'll end up in bad places. How will my role help push them in one of the directions?

Which Wes Moore will my students be? Having 30 kids, 24 being boys, I think a lot about what kind of men my boys will grow up to be. I try really hard to close my eyes and imagine where they could end up. Then I think about all of the obstacles they are going to have to overcome to get there. It seems so hard.

Maybe how I make them feel about school will influence which Wes Moore they'll turn out to be. Maybe I'll be influential.
Maybe.

So Damn Lucky

2010-04-20T17:48:00.001-07:00

I had an out of body experience today.

I was sitting at my desk helping a few students with some math and I see my student from Haiti getting help from one of my other students. My Haitian student, who has learned English since coming here in November, is incredibly smart and soaking in everything.

The students are creating products on all of the Social Studies standards we have done this year. September 11, 2001 is a standard, and this in and of itself is a bit odd... teaching a history I remember.

So there my Haitian student is, sitting in front of an open Social Studies book, pencil in hand, paper ready, looking confused. My other student is kneeling beside his desk, helping him. When the students at my table get quiet, I can hear what my student is saying.

"See, they flew planes into the Twin Towers."

"Twin Towers?"

"Yeah, two REALLY big buildings in New York. They flew into them, one by one."

"Did they kill people?"

"Yes, a LOT of people."

"Did they die?"

"Yes, they did."

"But why would they do that. Are they crazy?"

"Yeah, I know it is crazy. See, let me show you what the buildings looked like."

My student then drew a picture of the twin towers and showed how planes hit them. My Haitian student stared at the picture, then at his classmate, then up at me with his mouth wide open.

Listening to these kids talk about 9/11 made tears swell up in my eyes. I don't really know why. Maybe it was because my Haitian student was hearing it for the first time and his confusion was so genuine, like the rest of ours was. Maybe it was because the other student was being so patient by helping him out. Maybe it was because this whole exchange happened without them knowing I was watching and this made me wonder how many other amazing conversations are happening without my knowledge.

My kids are amazing and when I get to see the world through the eyes of my students, I feel SO DAMN lucky I can't even put it into words.

Odd Behavior

2010-04-12T17:36:00.001-07:00

I love the moments when I look around the room and none of the kids really realize I'm watching. It's like my own personal TV show.

As adults, we've kind of been conditioned to act a certain way in public. There are certain things we don't do or say in public because...we're in public. Of course this changes when you start to go crazy or you get drunk but generally, basic rules apply. We act someone acceptable.

Today I witnessed some odd behavior. And it's funny because I'm the only one who sees how crazy funny it is. All of the kids are so used to being around kids who don't know how crazy they're acting that they just accept it as normal.

Like when I told everyone they should be cleaning up and getting ready for lunch. One of my boys, who is adorable and a handsome young man, was turning in circles singing, "I'm a fairy princess!" Now, granted this boy is about to be in Middle School. He's a big kid. He's a popular kid. And there he is, without inhibition, circling and twirling, singing, "I'm a fairy princess!"

He kind of stopped when he saw me watching him and giggled. I then said, "unless you want me to announce what you just did, clean up."

Or today when one of my kids, whom I wasn't paying attention to, was just slapping himself repeatedly in the face. I was working with a group, the kids were working, he was slapping himself in the face. And the best thing about it was when he slapped himself, he reacted as if he didn't see it coming. Over and over again.
I looked at him and cocked my head, kind of like a dog does when you ask it a question, and went about my day.

I know that these kids do a lot of things for attention, but most of it is just kid behavior. Just kids being kids. Talking to themselves, talking to imaginary friends, dancing like fairy princesses, and slapping themselves in the face. Sadly, as adults, this behavior would warrant psychological evaluation. Now? It just makes me laugh. Kids being kids.

So tomorrow I get to watch more of this behavior. And I get paid for it. Score.

I'm Going To Move to Australia

2010-03-31T16:48:00.000-07:00

You know the book Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day? Alexander says throughout the book that because he's having such a terrible day he wants to move to Australia.

That's how I feel.

One of my students today, who has "issues" with anger, said he was going to kill me today.

First, I will share the only comical part about it. I will say, however, that only I am allowed to call this comical. It's like making fun of your mom. Only YOU can make fun of your mom. Only I can make a joke about a kid threatening to kill me.
It was slightly comical because the rest of my students wanted to tell me he said that without him knowing so they'd do it in these stealth ways. They'd like walk past my table and whisper "He said he wants to kill you..." and keep walking. Very James Bond. Or a couple kids passed me a note. They all wanted to tell me but didn't want him to know they told me. It made me think about how I hope these kids who told me continue to do the right thing as they grow up, even when it isn't easy

When I found out he said that, and he laughed about it like it was funny, I was just sad. Just plum sad. I had just spent quality time with that kid this morning talking about his feelings and why he was upset. I try my hardest to be kind to him and listen to him even when he's being a pill. I do every textbook positive thing I can do to ensure that he feels safe and special at school. It just feels incredibly harsh and intrusive to then say something so awful about someone who cares about him so much.

I know there is no rationalizing it because it makes no sense.
I know there is no sugar coating it because that's impossible.
I know there is no ignoring it because it is so intense.

He got suspended. The only student I've ever gotten suspended. I needed him to know, and the rest of my students, that words have meaning. That violence, even just threatened violence, isn't acceptable.

Tomorrow he'll return and I don't know how exactly I'll react to him. I don't know how our relationship will progress. I had no idea how emotional this job would become and how many things I would question because of it.

I can't move to Australia...so how do I deal with this?

A Somewhat Rude (yet honest) Letter

2010-03-30T17:37:00.000-07:00

Dear Reader,

I am reading a book with one of my reading groups (provided by my county) about apes and the first chapter is all about evolution and adaptations.

There are teachers in my school who do not "believe" in evolution.

Does this mean I need to read this 5th grade book with them?

Sincerely,

A Teacher Who Has Little Tolerance for Ignorance

Last Weeks Goals, Babe.

2010-03-29T17:35:00.001-07:00

Let's see how I did on last week's goals!

1. Don't yell at a particular student. If he goes a little crazy, ignore him!!!
I did ignore him. He did a damn good job attempting to drive me crazy and I diffused it with a positive attitude and the help of 29 OTHER 5th graders.

2. Work more one-on-one with my girl who hates math and try try TRY to make it not painful for her.
I did this, too! She didn't cry ONCE last week! (If you know her, you know that's a miracle in itself)

3. Stop trying to make my classroom perfect. It's not perfect. Kids are loud and off-task. I need to follow that saying they say in AA...accept the things I cannot change? Did I just compare kids to alcohol? If I did, I apologize.
I was really cognizant of this one. Some people in the building "expect" perfection when I'm not perfect. My 30 fifth graders aren't perfect. By letting go of the control a little bit, maybe they didn't work harder or learn more but we were all a lot happier. When I saw a kid playing around for half an hour, I would redirect once and then breathe. You can't MAKE someone do something. You can only hope to motivate them to make the right choices and yelling rarely helps.

4. Don't call child #1's mother unless it is for positive things.
I didn't call her...although she did call me.

5. Don't give my kids the "I know you can do better than this" speech. It's tired and clearly doesn't work as well as I think it does in my head.
No speeches! Although I think my speeches are very powerful. I'm thinking about recording them and sending them out to schools in my community.
(Ok, while I do love my speeches sometimes and frequently I hear the soundtrack that would accompany that speech if I were in a movie/tv show...they probably suck to anyone else).

6. Try to get my new kid a school uniform.
No deal. But he did wear khakis.
During our guidance time last week the kids were asked "What stresses you out?" and they had to answer it by writing on the board. A lot of answers were "family"..."money"..."tests"...but one kid wrote "kacky pants." It was awesome.

7. Be in such an awesome mood that my kids ask, "Did you have coffee today?"
I don't think I got that question but I did try to be in a better mood. Sometimes I failed at this. Sometimes I didn't give a crap that I failed at that. YOU TRY IT!

8. Get some paperwork done without any eye-rolling or cursing.
I didn't curse in front of children because of paperwork. That's always good.

9. Grade the Social Studies projects that have been sitting on my desk for a week. Ugh.
I did this! And the grades SUCKED!!

10. Don't leave work so mentally drained because I've done the 9 above things!!
I didn't cry once last week because of stress. This week is another story.

This week is the last week before Spring Break so the kids (and teachers) will be crazy. I'm going to London right after school Friday which adds to my stress. On top of THAT, right after we come back from Spring Break we take the CRCT. The test that determines if they move on to 6th grade. The test we've been talking about since Day 1. The test that says whether or not I've done my job this year.

Regardless of how the test results turn out, however, I know I've done ok. I'm like that Babe pig and at the end of the year someone should pat me on the head and say, "That'll do, pig."

(Ok, if you call me pig I'll probably smack you but you get the sentiment).

My 10 Goals for the Week

2010-03-21T17:19:00.000-07:00

Every day I leave work thinking how I could've done 30 things differently to make the day better for me and my students. Sometimes that number fluctuates between 10 and 100...

So as I am getting ready for my week of teaching, I am making 10 goals for myself and on Friday we will see how many of these goals I have met.

Ahemm.....

1. Don't yell at a particular student. If he goes a little crazy, ignore him!!!
2. Work more one-on-one with my girl who hates math and try try TRY to make it not painful for her.
3. Stop trying to make my classroom perfect. It's not perfect. Kids are loud and off-task. I need to follow that saying they say in AA...accept the things I cannot change? Did I just compare kids to alcohol? If I did, I apologize.
4. Don't call child #1's mother unless it is for positive things.
5. Don't give my kids the "I know you can do better than this" speech. It's tired and clearly doesn't work as well as I think it does in my head.
6. Try to get my new kid a school uniform.
7. Be in such an awesome mood that my kids ask, "Did you have coffee today?"
8. Get some paperwork done without any eye-rolling or cursing.
9. Grade the Social Studies projects that have been sitting on my desk for a week. Ugh.
10. Don't leave work so mentally drained because I've done the 9 above things!!

Ok, that's my list. I hope I make my goals this week. Particularly goal #3...I feel like I've been trying so hard to make my room and my kids and their work EXACTLY what it should be when that's just impossible. I'm setting myself up for failure and frustration when I keep trying for this.

WISH ME LUCK!!!!!

Reminder: Don't Become A Mean Teacher.

2010-03-12T15:59:00.000-08:00

There are moments when I feel so stressed and so overwhelmed with my job that all I can do is work, work, work. All I want the kids to do is work, work, work. I have to get you on grade level. You have to learn English. You have to pass the CRCT. We have to be a functional classroom of learning and achieving students. I have to document every step of your progress. Be quiet! Sit down! Stop hitting the kid next to you! The Principal is evaluating me and you are eating an entire eraser! Why are you making a slingshot?? EVERYONE NEEDS TO GET TO WORK!!!!!!!!!

I have so many of those freak out moments where I am just thinking about my administrators and data that I have aged more this year than any other.

When I have those moments, I HAVE to be accountable for myself and remind myself who I am. I'm not the teacher who needs everything to be quiet, I never have been and never will be. I am not the teacher that will stifle laughter, I never have been and never will be. Just because there are other adults in my job who are telling me that my lines have to be perfectly straight and my kids have to be perfectly quiet doesn't mean my philosophy goes right out the window. I have to be me.

So, when I'm in a funk, I really try to be silly to show my kids that their teacher didn't turn into a strict monster with eight screaming heads. Yesterday, that meant that when they asked me to try to rap, I rapped the theme song to The Prince of Bel-Aire. Sometimes, it just means laughing with my students instead of hushing them. Often, it means letting go a TEENY bit of control and letting my kids act like kids.

One of my boys, who still acts a bit younger than his age, loves squirrels and has a stuffed animal squirrel that he frequently brings to school. He sits it on his desk with a book in front of it when he is working, the squirrel always joins us for lunch, and I usually get the squirrel on my desk at least once a day asking for a fist bump. The other students think it's hilarious - kind of like a mascot - and it has become, oddly, something special in our classroom.

A teacher mentioned how odd that was to me, that this kid who is in 5th grade is allowed to have a squirrel in the room. I just looked at that woman and thought, "When did you get so uptight?"
It takes up no time or work for me, it brings all of my students laughter and joy and frankly, it's adorable. Why would I not let this kid, who is about to be too old for things like this, bring his favorite thing to school?

I hope I don't become like that older teacher and get jaded. I hope I don't forget that yes, we all have to pass the test (and no, some of us won't) but school is SO MUCH MORE than tests. It's a safe place and if we don't make it a fun place they will drop out when they get to high school and things get really tough. I mean, there are studies that show close to half of African American high school males dropout. I think of my kids and statistics like that make me want to cry.

I do get frustrated sometimes, but how can I not? I had a kid this week say he wanted to be a terrorist when he grew up. I have kids who walk around in circles just so I'll stop teaching and give them attention. When someone is dropping f-bombs, I have to address that. When my kid who is above grade level starts bullying his classmates while I'm trying to teach my new student straight from Mexico the word "Friday"...I get upset.

But when I start becoming that evil monster with eight heads (which of course comes out every now and then when I have 30 students talking at once), I really try to pull myself back. I REALLY try to remember to laugh and smile. I want school to be a fun place for them to show who they are...not a quiet place with hushed classrooms and stifled creativity.

If I ever forget this and I permanently become that evil monster with eight heads, someone please tell me to quit my job because those kids don't deserve that.

The "law" of Gravity

2010-03-02T16:14:00.000-08:00

My student from Haiti has been progressing REALLY well. He's reading a lot and his English is improving daily. He's such a hilarious, intelligent kid with a HUGE personality.

Yesterday we were reading a book about gravity. On one of the pages it says, "Gravity is an invisible force." He asked me what "invisible" means and I gave him the example that the air is invisible. He says, "No! I see air!"

So then, patiently, I waved my arms through the air and said, "No, all THIS is air and we can't see it." And he said, "NO! I see the air!"

Now, I was giggling like a kid in church and he was giggling too but totally defending himself. So then I blew air and I said, "See, you didn't see that. You might've seen something move BECAUSE of it but you didn't see the air." And he said, "I DID! I DID! I SAW IT!"

Ok. He wasn't budging on this one. I asked him what it looked like and he said, "air."
I have to admit, that's a good answer.

So we moved onto gravity and how you can't SEE gravity. He said he could see gravity. I tried to explain that we could see me dropping the pencil but not the force that made it drop (and yes, this was difficult considering he speaks French Creole mainly) but he still said he could. "I can see it! I can SEE the gravity!"

Aw geez.

He also says it isn't a law because zombies can fly.

(the needle runs across the record)

ERG??

When we tried to talk about zombies and how they might NOT exist, he wasn't having any of it. See, his friend saw a zombie and they totally fly so gravity is kinda B.S.

I laughed so hard through this whole conversation. The fact that sometimes my job consists of talking about seeing the invisible and the possible existence of zombies makes my job pretty stellar.

Sometimes Your Best Isn't Good Enough

2010-02-24T16:58:00.000-08:00

...what a depressing thought.

Things in my life, inside and outside of work, have been really hard lately.

Today a lot was going wrong. A lot of things were going wrong that were totally out of my control.

My highest reading group has read 2 Gary Paulsen books and they are obsessed. We started with the book Hatchet and then read The River (the sequal). They have been DYING to read another book in the series called Brian's Return. The problem was...our school didn't have a copy. I told them that if they got through a more serious book (Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry) then I would find a way to get the book for them.

So we got through Roll of Thunder (quite beautifully!) and they hadn't forgotten my promise. I told them I'd go out and buy it if they helped pay for it and the next day, whattaya know? They each brought in $2. (The books cost about $7 but there's no way I could ask my kids for that much when they're on free & reduced lunch).

I could tell these marvelous kids weren't gonna let it go. They loved the other books and they were ready to read the next book in the series. They'd talk about it constantly.

I told them I'd get it. Yesterday I went to two book stores and could only get one. Then a friend offered to request & reserve the books online for me and I said that'd be great. So today my goal was to go to that store and pick up the reserved books. Easy right?

At about 4:00 I headed for the store. Turns out she accidentally didn't reserve them at the right place so I decided to check out all the stores around there. Went to the first store: no copies. Second store: no copies. Third store: no copies. So I decided to make the long treck to the store she reserved them to and when I got there, they only had 2 copies and I needed 3 more. I swear, I almost cried right in that Borders.
I called other Borders and Barnes and Nobles on my way home but couldn't find someone with a copy.

I got home around 7:45 exhausted and feeling awful. I needed these books for these kids. I wanted to come to school with their copies in hand and feel like I did something right. Feel like I could control some things. Feel like my best was good enough.

So, after trying as hard as I could, I only have 3 out of 4 copies for tomorrow. I hope they aren't disappointed. For some reason, as my afternoon went on, getting those 4 copies was what was going to make things alright. Those books became the most important thing in the world.

When I came home feeling like I had failed, I saw a missed a call on my phone. It was from one of my favorite students my first year teaching. She called to tell me about her day.

No, I'm not superwoman. No, I couldn't find those books. But maybe my students love me anyway.

Impressions

2010-02-22T15:00:00.000-08:00

You never know what kind of impression you have on people.

Apparently, I know a lot of kids in my school. When I walk down the hall, I am usually high-fiving some 3rd grader I know or giving a hug to the little sibling of one of my 5th graders. Sometimes it's even playing hide-and-go-seek in the hallway with a kid that is half scared of me and half loves me. This, I ADORE.

Today I came across a 4th grader that I somewhat remember.....I taught 3rd grade last year and one day all of the teachers rotated all the 3rd grade classes and we read some of our favorite books to them. It was pretty cool. I read (and semi-acted) Rumpelstiltskin.

While reading, I'd do all the voices. Duh.

When I was reading Rumpelstiltskin's part I'd do a shrilly, witch-inspired, old British voice and the kids seemed to love it. In this version of the tale Rumple said "That's not my name!!" a lot. So I'd say that line in my shrilly British voice and every time it killed.
(Yes, I understand I'm only funny around some elementary-aged children)

Anyway, so today when I ran into a 4th grader (who was in someone else's class last year) whose name I have forgotten, he PERFECTLY imitated my Rumplestiltskin voice and said, "That's not my name!!"

I cracked up and told him I couldn't believe he remembered that.

That, coupled with the time that at least three times a week some kid asks me if I was that witch in the school's haunted house (which I totally was), makes me realize that you don't always immediately see the impression you have on someone.

So it might've been a stupid shrilly voice or a witch in a haunted house, but I think it's important to remember that we make impressions on people daily. These kids are watching me and they're paying attention. Even kids that aren't in my class have impressions of me. Kids are scarily perceptive and intuitive and know when you are happy, sad, frustrated, mad, and every emotion in between. They can tell when you aren't happy to see them and when you're going through the "teacher motions" so doing so is dangerous.

It startles me when I realize how big of an impression I'm having on my 28 kids every day. How they remember things I said months ago that I might've long forgotten. That they can tell when I'm feeling down because they catch glances at me when I don't know it.

I've been really frustrated with adults in my job lately and for a second (or maybe half a second) it made me take focus of the ONLY reason I do this job. I do it because I love it.

I don't do it for ANYONE over the age of 13. Period.

Talk About Depressing.

2010-02-19T15:21:00.000-08:00

Every morning there is a math problem of the day and a journal question they have to answer before we start our day. Sometimes the math problem is reviewing old material or sometimes it is what we have just begun learning. Yesterday I became officially depressed.

We have been studying area for about 7 weeks. We have done every activity IMAGINABLE covering how to find the area of circles, parallelograms, triangles, and compound figures. I mean, close your eyes and imagine a way to teach that: we did it.

Yesterday I put a question on the board that was TOTALLY review. There was a circle with a given diameter and they had to find the area of that circle.

They had completely forgotten.

Completely.

Forgotten.

I swear I almost cried in front of them I was so distraught.

For 7 WEEKS we have been working on this and last week, because we were finished with area (or supposed to be), we started on finding the volume of figures and I guess they assumed they could completely dump the area information they had learned.

When this happens I get worried because the CRCT isn't until April and what if they forgot the fraction stuff we learned last fall? What if they forget EVERYTHING?!?

I have to calm down. I have to breathe. Because if I don't, I might lose my mind. I think this frustration is what drives teachers to wear scrunchies and brightly colored sweaters with big cats on the front.

Talk about depressing.

Mama Bear

2010-02-10T17:48:00.001-08:00

Recently there has been someone new in my classroom who has been helping since we have so many kids (got two new today!) and I have become kind of Mama Bear to my kids.

Let me rant for a second...

These are my students. I have been dealing with these kids and all of their idiosyncrasies for months. I spend oodles of time with them. I teach them. I care about them. I ADORE them. I yell at them. I get disappointed in them. I talk to them. I know them.

I know them.

Then this other adult comes in and YELLS at them all the time.

First of all, yelling is mostly for the benefit of the person yelling...not the person being yelled at. Yes, of course I yell sometimes but it is mostly to get the student's attention. Yelling is generally futile. It's like getting a spanking: painful for a second but when it's over, it's over and everyone moves on with their lives a little more pissed off.

So this person who doesn't know my students is yelling at them for things I would NEVER yell at them for. Little things. Stupid things.

When she yells at them like this I can't stay in my skin. I want to say to my kids "DON'T LISTEN TO HER. SHE'S BITTER AND IS YELLING TO MAKE HERSELF FEEL BETTER. YOU ARE ALL AWESOME AND I AM NOT MAD AT YOU FOR WHATEVER RIDONKULOUS THING SHE DECIDED TO YELL ABOUT JUST NOW."

But because I'm a teacher and I have to be respectful of other teachers I just sit there. I sit there and look at the ground (or at the kids that happen to be looking at my for my reaction) and I bite my tongue.

Let's get down to it: I'm a Mama Bear. Generally I'm calm...drinking water from the river... walking through the forest...hibernating...

But when you come in my room and yell at my kids for something RIDICULOUS over and over again I want to go all "Mama Bear" and rip someone's face off.

The last thing these kids need is one more person to yell at them. They're good kids. So one kid ran across the room because they wanted to grab some markers...woop-de-freakin'-doo. Don't yell at them for stuff like that. It humiliates them and they lose respect for you.

I can't stand it. These 30 crazy kids are my cubs and I'm a pissed off Mama Bear.

No Pizza For You!

2010-02-06T13:04:00.000-08:00

We have a compliments jar that we put marbles in any time we get a compliment from another teacher. Since the first day of school we have been working to get up to the first line on that jar so that we can have a pizza party. Last week we made it!

So Monday I made an announcement to the class that on Friday I would be buying pizza and we'd have a little mini-celebration for finally making it to the first line on the jar. I said, however, that each kid had to complete 3 center products (the little projects they make during centers every day) in order to receive the pizza. This should be easy because they go to 5 centers a week and can take the work home for homework. ("Should" is the key word in that sentence).

So Monday I made this announcement.
Tuesday I made this announcement.
Wednesday I made this announcement.
Thursday I made this announcement.
Friday I made this announcement.

I have this chart on the Promethean board where they can drag their name from column to column. The columns are titled: "Finished 1 Product", "Finished 2 Products", "Finished 3 Products", and "3+." By Friday, clearly, the board should have every student's name under either "Finished 3 Products" or "3+."

I had to do some ESOL testing in the morning on Friday so when I returned (after ordering the pizza) imagine my surprise when there were only 6 names under the appropriate columns. All of the other students had only finished one, two, or ZERO products.

Well, well here comes Domino's (I called TWO Pizza Huts and NOBODY ANSWERED!!) up to the office to drop of my 4 pizzas (because there are 30 kids in my room) and only about 6 of them deserve it.

When I walked into the room with 4 pizzas, the kids went a little crazy. Every ONE of them who didn't do work still believed they'd get pizza. They thought I wasn't THAT mean that I'd deny them of pizza especially since I had so much to spare.

They thought wrong.

I gave the pizza to the kids that did the work and then it was a free for all. I was handin out pizza to teachers like it was goin' out of style. I have an ENTIRE one in my fridge right now.

I was so disappointed that so many of my kids didn't do what they KNEW they were expected to do. Even the kid who speaks NO ENGLISH in my class knew that pizza was coming if you did your work. My target kids didn't even finish their stuff because they've fallen into this groove of not working as hard because they think they don't have to.

After our pathetic (yet delicious) pizza party I had a talk with the class. I told them that there was no point in my yelling at them or being mad. I told them that I was disappointed in them for not doing what they knew they were supposed to and thinking they could get away with it.

So maybe my speech made them think...or maybe the lack of pizza drove my point home better than I ever could.

Parents Ain't Easy

2010-01-29T16:11:00.000-08:00

As the week of parent-teacher conferences technically ended today (even though I had 10 no-shows that I have to make up) it reminded me about all the different types of parents.

There is no telling what kind of parent a student will have. So for my teacher readers (if there are any) I will outline them by name, characteristics, warning signs, and advice.

1.
Name: The "My Child Is Perfect" Parent
Characteristics: These parents are rough. No matter what you do or what their child does it never really matters because their child is their baby. Their angel. Their darling who could do no wrong. The only way you might be able to get yourself in their favor is by complementing the HECK out of that kid and then when you have the parent on your side, ZING 'em. The only problem is, you usually will have to complement and be buttery for months before they would believe anything negative you would have to say about their child. And even then...you're the enemy.
Warning Signs: The student is somewhat of a brat. They get away with everything at home so they expect to get away with everything at school. They're usually cute but have an evil side. They tend to be lazy and arrogant usually getting into fights with other students. The parent never follows up on anything and may or may not call YOU because of something you allegedly did or said that might not be up to par with their little baby.
Oh, and these people tend to quote scripture to defend themselves.
Advice: Smile and nod; it's a lose-lose situation. Think about how that parent might win this battle but ultimately, when their kid is living with them when they're 30 because they never learned people skills, they'll get what they have coming.

2.
Name: The "I Want To Talk About My Child For Hours" Parent
Characteristics: These parents are trying to be involved, but they're taking it a little too far. The student isn't particularly troublesome or difficult to deal with but their parent thinks they are. They tend to analyze everything and ask if you think their child should be on medication.
Warning Signs: You notice that their number is always in your "last received calls" list and you may or may not have given them their own ominous ringtone. They show up - unannounced- at school to talk about something insignificant that could've been conveyed with a note. BEWARE OF NOT RESPONDING TO THEM: this could result in more phone calls, visits, and the parent might even go to the principal.
Advice: Tolerate them. They mean well, just have too much time on their hands.

3.
Name: The "Ideal" Parent
Characteristics: They come to the open house nights and they return permission slips on time. When you send home a note they always follow up. They respect you as a teacher and ask for advice only when they feel they need it. Unfortunately, these people are few and far between.
Warning Signs: Happiness.
Advice: Try to get the younger sibling.

Are You There God? It's Me. A Teacher.

2010-01-27T15:11:00.000-08:00

Today was one of those days that I really think I could lose faith in humanity.

I know I say this all the time but let me say it again: my students are my life. Yes, they annoy me. Yes, they frustrate me. Yes, they call me and leave weird voicemails...but they're my life.

With this job comes knowing a lot about the lives of the students you teach. In order to teach a child you have to know a child. Today I found out what one of my kids is going through and it makes me sick. This kid is so amazing - bright, hilarious, kind, and he has really attached himself to me. I am the mother figure in his life.

When I hear about things like this it makes me wonder where the good is. These kids are already living a life where everything is an uphill battle because of poverty but with poverty comes SO much baggage. This one particular situation with this one kid is making me question the good.

This student always says he's going to make me proud. Because he hasn't always been the hardest worker, and he's really trying, we've made that our little motto. I'll say at the beginning of the day, "Make me proud today!"
Sometimes in the classroom he'll leave me a note that just says "IWMYP" (I Will Make You Proud). Today when I got home I found one of those notes that I had smashed away in one of my pockets I just started to cry.

Sometimes, when life seems so impossibly hard for these kids, I just wonder how they can possibly keep faith in the good.

Teacher Education Sucks. Let's Change It.

2010-01-19T16:02:00.000-08:00

I have a brilliant idea.

I hated...I mean HATED my undergraduate classes in Education. I thought they were dumbed-down and taught by elementary teachers who forgot that they were currently not teaching children. I only liked ONE of my education professors and he was an educational psychology teacher (Hi Dr. Sean Forbes!).

I mean I'm gonna let it all out there: the classes blew. The only beneficial part was my internship which was where I was in a classroom all day every day for a semester actually teaching students. The rest of the time I was writing lesson plans that had NO point at ALL.

I remember once having to write a lesson plan to fictional 2nd graders about the weather. I failed the project because the teacher (who looked exactly like Kim from The Real Housewives of Atlanta) thought I wasn't putting my effort into it.

Uh. Duh? Do you really think I'm gonna put effort into a fictional lesson taught to non-existent 2nd graders?

If you're majoring in education to become an elementary teacher you fall into one of three categories:

1. People who have ALWAYS wanted to become teachers. Most are girls in sororities and come to class wearing sweaters with alligators on them with hair pefectly straightened. When asked why they are becoming teachers they reply, "I love kids. I've always wanted to be a teacher!" (While this can be true, it's a piss poor reason to become a teacher). The term "froo froo" comes to mind when I think of these people.

2. People who don't actually want to become teachers but think it'll be a good job until they obtain their MRS. status and can pop out kids like a dog in heat.

3. People like me.

So let's get to my plan.

I think teacher education classes should not be about "how to write lesson plans" and "how to write more lesson plans" but instead I think we should take classes about the things we are teaching.

Generally most elementary teachers teach the same stuff. For example: most of us teach American History (Revolutionary War, American Indians, Civil War, Civil Rights, etc.) no matter the grade level.

Why not have classes that teach these topics and then let you figure out a cool way to get kids interested in them? Like there could be an "American History" elementary ed class. Or there could be a "Biology" class that would study cells and animal/plant life. Then, because in my world the teachers would be cool, you could be CREATIVE and present how you would introduce these pretty complex topics to kids.

I spend a lot of my time as a teacher doing just that. I spent HOURS yesterday trying to figure out how to teach the Holocaust to my 5th graders. After all that time, I still know I'm not teaching it the best way to do it justice.

As teachers we should be passionate about the knowledge, not just the teaching. We should try to be astronomers, biologists, historians, and mathematicians...not just instructors.

So there's my idea, people. I'm not a genius, believe me, but I was SO CLOSE to changing my major because I felt like I was being treated like a kid...not being taught how to treat and teach kids.

If we continue to make classes cutesy and not substantial, we might just get cutesy teachers and not substantial ones.

Haiti Isn't Far Away...

2010-01-18T16:33:00.000-08:00

Even though the tragedy in Haiti feels like a million miles away, it is definitely affecting my classroom.

Believe it or not I have three students from Haiti. Two of the boys have been here about 2 years. The third kid moved here from Haiti about 3 months ago.

The day after the earthquake I asked them if we could all eat lunch together. I asked them over lunch who in their families still lived in Haiti and if they knew anything. Two of my boys replied that their moms still live in Port-au-Prince and they haven't been able to reach them. My heart sank.

One of the boys whose mom is missing has talked NON STOP about his mom since I met him. He lived with her his whole life until he had to come here a couple years ago to live with his dad. He's written papers about her and despite the fact that he's a "cool 5th grade guy" - he just misses his mom. When he said he hasn't heard from her yet the word "yet" echoed in my head the rest of the day.

They sometimes act casual about it but other times I see that they get how big of a tragedy this was. I can't imagine seeing images on TV of your home completely wiped away.

The kid I have who just moved from Haiti is simply an incredible kid. I can't sing his praises enough. Even though he can't speak much English, he can be taught ANYTHING. If you give him visuals and a little time he can do anything the rest of the kids can do.

I asked him Friday morning if he had any news and he said he has some friends and a few family members that have contacted him and his father. Basically, he says, they're worried about his uncle. They can't find him and everything is gone. When I asked the student where his family is living right now he said "nowhere." He then did a gesture with his hands to show there was "nothing" there. Where their home was, there is now nothing.

I am not an eloquent writer so anything I write doesn't do justice to how I'm feeling about my three boys who don't have any news about their families. Likewise, anything I feel doesn't do justice to how I'm sure they're feeling.

My kids are my family. I think about them all the time, work hard to try and be a teacher worthy of them, and spend countless hours with them. When I was watching the news coverage of Haiti and I saw those kids in the streets crying and hurt, I saw the faces of my three boys. I realized how easily those faces could've been theirs.

I realized that those faces are theirs.

Present

2010-01-10T18:00:00.000-08:00

It really doesn't take a lot of energy to get to know what's going on with students. It's like they're DYING to tell you what is going on in their lives, you just have to pay attention. They're screaming it.

I've often said that a huge part of being a good teacher, day in and day out, (not that I really know anything but still...) is being present. You of course have to be physically present first but that's the easy part. To do that, you just have to roll out of bed and try to stay awake until dismissal.

The next part is a little harder. Being present means listening to what they say, not just hearing it. It means being engaged and paying attention to the cues that they're giving you. Don't just go through the motions (even though it is soooo easy) but actually be there.

I've had a couple examples of the importance of "being present" this past week.

The first starts simply with a journal entry.
Every morning there is a prompt on the board and they have to write about it. Sometimes it is silly and sometimes it is more serious. The first day back from winter break it was, "What did you do over the vacation?"
Now, having 29 kids, I don't always read their journals. Don't blame the player, hate the game. It's just too hard to get to.
This morning, for whatever reason, I read his. The last sentence was about how his father, whom he has a restraining order against, kept contacting him over break and he was "pissed off" about it.

That's a big deal. That makes a difference in that kid's life and his day and if I hadn't read his journal that day, I'd never know.

The second example I have is about a student who I've felt unsettled about. Since he came to my classroom I've heard mention of how his life was before he came to our school. How it was described always gave me the impression that life wasn't too good. His dad would just call it "what happened" and all I knew was that it was the catalyst for him moving here. I never pressed the issue because the student didn't seem ready to talk about it.

This past week he was pretty bad one day. It started simple, just being too talkative, but progressed into being defensive and showing me disrespect which is totally out of his character. Because I wasn't sure how to get what was bugging him out in the open, I made him walk around the building with me. I only do this with kids when I just think they need a break. They need space to walk and breathe. Let's be honest though, I need a break too.

We went to the supply room where I was stocking up on pencils and staples when I just said "Now, what is really going on?"

I didn't really expect an answer as he has built this huge brick wall around himself but for some reason he poked his head through. He told me he was MAD.

I asked him why he was mad. He said, "Because everyone is lying to me. I hate it."

"Who is lying to you?"

"My family."

"What are they lying about?"

"My mom keeps promising this will be her last time in jail. And it never is."

Suddenly, the causes of World War I wasn't so important in this kid's life.

Times like these make me want to cry. There is no way to sugar-coat this situation. This situation just SUCKS. Which is basically what I told him. Sometimes life just stinks and there is no other way to put it. It's what you do with it that matters.

Had I not taken a walk with him that day, I might've just assumed that he was just in a bad mood. Luckily, because I was present, I learned a lot more.

The next day at lunch he called me "mom." Everyone at the table was kinda making fun of him for saying that. Because I was hyper-aware of his current situation I replied with, "Totally. Don't we look alike?" (Now the fact that he's from Panama and is about 10 shades darker than I am made this into a joke we could all laugh at).

I know I'm not his mom, and never could fill that gap, but he needs someone like me for more than a lesson on the area of a circle.

I teach at the kind of school I do because I want to be more to them than just an instructor. There are a lot of gaps in their lives. And I will never find them if I'm not present.

3rd 9 Weeks

2010-01-04T14:28:00.000-08:00

For those of you who don't know, the school year is split up into 4 sets of 9 weeks. We are halfway done and we are now about to enter the 3rd 9 Weeks. The worst.

First 9 weeks is kinda smooth sailing. Concepts are pretty easy and school just seems like a marvelous place where you learn how to be a good citizen and get to do nifty science experiments. Math is basic concepts and pretty simple algebra. Ah, so sweet.

The second 9 weeks, things get a little bumpy but not too bad. School is still a swell place to be. You get to learn about different animals and classify them, write cool speeches to persuade people about why you want recess, and Social Studies is all about the Civil War. Math is getting a little tough, but no worries. It's just fractions. Life is still a-ok.

The third 9 weeks is a storm. Wait, where did all these Social Studies standards come from? I have to teach every major event from the causes of World War II up to the year 1975 including The Cold War, United Nations, NATO, and Nikita Khrushchev??? And then there's Stalin, Churchill, Mussolini, Hitler, and Hirohito? Wait!! I don't recognize some of these names!! Who the heck is "Rosie the Riveter?" AND Math!! The students have to DERIVE the formula for how to find the area of a circle? DERIVE? Seriously? And pi? And compute cubic units?? WHAT!

Before I teach them the 3rd 9 weeks, I gotta learn the 3rd 9 weeks.

Oh....man............. I'm...............tired.....................................already.

Invested

2009-12-28T11:08:00.000-08:00

This year a mentoring program was started at our school. Teachers were given the option to mentor a 5th grade student and spend time with them outside of school. The purpose of the program is to see if these students, who are typically the ones below grade level, make significant academic progress because of the relationships formed with their mentor.

If you are a 5th grade teacher, like me, you aren't allowed to mentor someone in your own class. So I have a beautiful girl that I mentor and we've done things like movies, dinner, ice cream, etc.

A lot of teachers stepped up to be mentors but not enough for all of the 5th grade students. The students chosen to have a mentor are those who might be below grade level or have particularly difficult home lives. About 10 or so of my students have mentors. Some of the mentors are really spending quality time with the kids which makes the kids without mentors kind of jealous.

A lot of my students who weren't given mentors are the ones who are very well behaved, above grade level, and just fantastic kids. Because I'm a sucker, I told the students without mentors that I would take them to do something special if their parents were on board. Dude. They were pumped.

A few weeks ago I took three boys to Sparkles. They couldn't stop talking about it all week.

And today, in about 45 minutes, I'm picking up two of my ladies to go to lunch. They have both called me several times to confirm that I'm coming.

I find that spending time with them outside of school really helps me in the classroom. They trust me, confide in me about the hard stuff they're dealing with, and take their work more seriously. Their behavior is generally better and they have better attitudes. This isn't because they want stuff from me, it is because they know that I care.

Just that trip to Sparkles with those three boys has changed how they are in the classroom. When they don't do what they're supposed to do, they know that they've let me down. Me, someone who is invested in them. One of the boys I took to Sparkles is having a really hard time at home right now. Getting away to skate without the drama of what is going on at home was a big deal for him.

Maybe this is an unorthodox way to show my students that I care.
Maybe it seems strange.
I don't care.

Spending time with them and getting to know them - as individuals - will ultimately be hugely helpful in the struggle to teach them. It's as simple as showing them: "Hey, I think you're special. I'm invested."

A Fine Line

2009-12-15T15:20:00.000-08:00

I'm in a strange situation with the kids. I'm young enough that they want to tell me secrets and gossip but I'm certainly old enough to realize that perhaps I shouldn't know all of these secrets and gossip.

See, when I was a 3rd grade teacher, I honestly didn't have to deal with any crush situations. No one had boyfriends or girlfriends. No love notes. No break ups. None of their daily lives held as much teen drama as 90210. There was no scary kid who is a possible kleptomaniac named "Pooh Bear."

(There is really a kid named Pooh Bear. Although the kids tell me things about him, it is nearly impossible to take him seriously as he is called POOH BEAR).

One lunch last week I just let the girls sit with me. Since I only have like 7 girls (out of 28), they need my attention. As we were eating, we were chatting it up. While I want to hear about what they're thinking and feeling........at some point I have to say, "HOLD UP. I'm not a babysitter. I'm not your older sister. I'm not a freakishly tall one of your peers. I'm your teacher."

At the same time, they tell me information that I probably should know. For example, two of the kids made out on the bus on a chorus trip. This is something I should know, freak out about, then tell other teachers about so they can freak out. Then we can tell their parents and THEY can freak out.

Or like one of my girls who is in LOOOOOVE with a boy across the hall. She writes his initials on her hand in a heart, knows everything about him (aka: his birthday, the fact that he wears gel in his hair... and...that's about it) and he seems to be all that really matters. Now, they don't speak like EVER but it seems to be a functional relationship and it genuinely is important to her.
(*Side note: I dread the day when they break up -- which will probably be via someone else -- for she will be an absolute mess)

Her telling me all about him is actually kind of special. She told me she can tell me these things because I'll listen.

Then...there are the boys.

99% of what the boys have to say in this department I DON'T WANT TO HEAR. I'd rather have a bear rip my ears off than hear about all of the crazy crap the boys are going through. When they sometimes start to talk about hot girls I just have to bow out. We can talk about TV. We can talk about movies. We can talk about Pooh Bear. But I can't hear you talk about "hot girls" when you're 11 years old. Yuck.

So, I'm stuck between wanting to be a part of their lives and not wanting to know TOO much. I'm stuck between being young and "cool" (well, maybe I'm cool to my kids. I don't know. I might've bribed them with candy when they said that) and being their teacher. It's a fine line. A fine, creepy, scary, weird, prefer-a-bear-ripping-off-my-ears line.

Youz a Ho.

2009-12-01T14:55:00.000-08:00

Today was a great day. Marvelous, even.

Until the end.

We were having share time this afternoon, where the students show what standard they worked on that day and what product they were making, and a few of students did nothing. I mean nothing. It is a MYSTERY to me what they did. With 28 of them I can't look at all of them all of the time. Plus, I'm actually doing my job (working with small groups) while they're working on products so I'm busy.
Ok, I'm going to stop trying to defend myself and tell the story.

One of the students (who I frequently struggle with) was so mad that he had gotten caught doing nothing that he ripped up a paper and said, "This is what I want to do to that ho!"
(P.S.: I'm the ho)

Let me take you through my range of emotions.

It started with surprise...then anger...then frustration...then I was upset...then I was disappointed...then I felt helpless.
(Now, I don't know what to do but giggle at the word "ho." I mean, I've been called a "bitch" but "ho" is a new one for me...)

This is not the first time I have been at a loss with what to do with him. About 98% of the students I've ever had, I've found how to get to them. I've found what makes them tick and used it to motivate them to do the right thing.
With some students it is VERY easy to find this. Some just need to hear that you're disappointed in them. Some just need to talk. Some need you to threaten to call their moms (or actually call their moms). Some need conferences with other students or teachers or their parents. Some react when you get mad and some react better when you don't. With some, you only need to give what I call the "evil teacher stare."

With him, I have tried it all; and most I have tried today. Over the last 16 weeks I've tried being nice, being mean, calling mom, yelling, being disappointed, giving him a time out where he can re-focus, letting him take a walk, letting him write when he's mad, letting him go to a teacher he likes, talking to him IN DEPTH, calling mom again, talking to counselors, talking to the social worker, talking with other students, rewarding him for little things, letting him eat lunch with me, giving him silent lunch, letting him be my helper, having him write apology letters, giving him the best seat in the class, giving him the worst seat in the class, giving privileges, taking away privileges...I mean the list is endless.

Usually, he laughs or rolls his eyes. Every now and then he'll smack his lips. Sometimes he cries. Ultimately, however, it always ends the same: we have a long talk and soon it happens again.

You probably think I hate this kid. The thing is, I totally don't. When he's good, he's so sweet. When he wants to, he tries hard. He is HILARIOUS. He loves to sing. He's a great writer. He loves High School Musical. He's proud of his little brother.

This ho just sometimes feels like I have run out of ideas for what to do. Tomorrow, I've requested the principal talk with him and get a feel for what is going on. Until then, feel free to leave suggestions.

Ho Out.

Airport Reunion

2009-11-30T14:30:00.000-08:00

I was in the Atlanta airport this past week where I was going to fly to New York to see my sister for Thanksgiving and I see a familiar face rush by me. It is one of my students I had my first year.

I was frozen in my tracks. I have no idea why I think this, as I remember every teacher I've ever had, but I assume that my old students won't remember me. It's like I'm their ex-teacher and while I was a huge part of their life when they were my student, I don't have ownership over it like I used to. I mean, I saw this kid cry, laugh, vomit, sing, and everything in-between. *(Side note: I hate when people say "everything in between" because that is implying that there is a list somewhere of things and you are talking about things in between things. I mean, what is between vomiting and singing? I don't know.)

So, as the train thing is about to open and I don't know if I'll ever see him again, I'm struggling with whether or not I should go up to him. As much as I really want to, more of me just wants to watch him waiting on his train and think about how big of a part of my life he was two years ago.

It's weird to see someone you know walking around like all of the strangers in the world.

I tell my dad and, all dad-like, he YELLS the kid's name out to make the decision for me. When my old student sees me he immediately starts walking over to me, as if in a trance, and hugs me. I tell him he's getting tall and I hug his mom and then we have to go.

There, in the middle of the busiest airport in the world, I run into one of my old kids. It was a really great moment for me.
I hope I run into him again someday.

Desperate Turkeys

2009-11-21T08:16:00.000-08:00

Love notes are all the rage in 5th grade. People are writing them, receiving them, circling "yes" or "no" on them...it's all over the place.

Yesterday the kids were crazy because it was Friday and they were about to get an entire week off of school for the Thanksgiving Break. I knew that they'd be insane so the day was a little more relaxed than normal. I didn't put too much pressure on myself (or them) to have a wildly productive day. I just wanted us all to get through the day alive. Now that there are 29 kids in the room, I just aim for survival sometimes.

Yesterday they were doing this hilarious activity with turkeys. Since we are doing persuasive writing, the kids were writing in the perspective of a turkey to the American people about how they should eat something else this holiday. I told them I wanted them to have fun with it and be silly because we never get enough silly time. (Unfortunately, one boy took it too far when he said: "If you eat turkey for thanksgiving I will pimp slap you.")
They also got to design their own turkeys which was fun because they don't get enough art time.

During this time I walked around and chatted with them about their turkeys and their speeches. When I got to ONE table, however, turkeys were not the topic of discussion. All 5 of the kids at this table were OBSESSED with another topic: One of my boys, who is sweet, eccentric, strange, and bright, got a love note in his cubby that morning.

Now, I love all my kids, but this boy isn't necessarily going to win the "most likely to get a love note" award. He's kinda goofy and pudgy, but adorable, but certainly not the kid who has the relationship drama. His best friend, however, is a heartbreaker. He breaks up with girls every week and in a REALLY mean way where he pretends he never liked them in the first place. It reminds me very much of high school.

So this pudgy, goofy, adorable boy was so excited to FINALLY get a love note. The note said...(and I will not reveal his name)...

Dear _____,
I'm in your class and I want you to be my boyfriend. Circle yes or no and put it in your cuby. I think you are H.O.T.

Now, when I got over there (in my silly mood) the first thing I noticed was that he had already circled "yes." This is anonymous note. I asked, "HOW COULD YOU CIRCLE YES?? YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO IT IS!!" He looked at me with his big goofy eyes and said, "But I'm desperate."

I told him to raise his standards and that the girl couldn't spell that well anyway so he shouldn't worry too much about it.

I noticed next that the two girls at the table had spent the morning sneaking around the classroom when I wasn't looking asking all of the girls to write his name on a sheet of paper so they could compare the handwriting samples. I thought two things: 1. You are too sneaky 2. You are too smart. I was simultaneously frustrated and proud.

Now, I can't be held responsible for the next events. It was Friday. I was ready for vacation. It was a silly morning. I was in a weird mood.

They were all a fluster talking about how they had to figure out who it was. I suggested, even though I know I'm an adult and this is all below me, that they write another note and put it in his cubby that says: "Meet me at the cubbies at 12:15." Then we could see who was over there and because it was lunch time maybe no one else would really take notice. I was oddly proud of this idea and the kids thought it was brilliant so they wrote the note, put it in the cubby, and we waited.

This boy asked every kid he ran into that day if they knew who wrote the note. He was so happy that someone liked him that he could barely stay in his skin. His innocence and his hopeful excitement reminded me of when I was in 5th grade and liked someone. It was all very sweet.

Unfortunately, the biotch never showed. 12:15 came and went and the boy got on the bus not knowing who the secret admirer was. I swear, if the kids name wasn't on the top I would think it got delivered to the wrong cubby.

So that is my Thanksgiving story. And to that little skank that made that boy hopeful and excited, one day some dude will break your heart and you'll get what you deserve!! Oh wow, that was harsh. I take it back.

Moments

2009-11-18T15:07:00.000-08:00

Thought I'd share a few moments of my day...

1. Teaching my new Haitian kid the difference in man v. woman and girl v. boy. Don't worry, there was no gender bias. Particularly because at one point he said I was a man.

2. The "Good luck!" kid I got's old teachers asked me if I've checked his bookbag today. I said, "no...." They said, "Well, if there is going to be one kid that brings a weapon to school it's HIM."

3. Freaking out about #2

4. Checking the bookbag of #2's

5. Being relieved about #2

6. One of my boys telling me that in every cup of cereal there are 45 insect body parts.

7. Looking up #6 on the internet

8. 3 of my boys telling me that they want me to take them to Sparkles

9. One of those boys telling me he mainly wants to go to watch the other 2 fall down

10. When one of my boys poured milk in another boy's cubby

11. When the milk-pouring kid lied to my face

12. When I found out the milk-pouring kid lied to my face

13. When one of my girls called me "mom" by accident

14. When that same girl said, "Can I call you mom from now on?"

15. When one of my boys confessed that he broke up with a girl in another 5th grade class

16. Me telling him that he's going to get himself in trouble later in life

17. Me loving/hating/not understanding/feeling overwhelmed at/trying so hard at/working tirelessly at/laughing at/crying at/adoring my job.

Good Luck!

2009-11-16T14:41:00.000-08:00

There is a boy who is in another 5th grade class and he isn't doing so well *(which, by the way, is the understatement of the century). While he used to behave wonderfully, this year things have gone downhill. Apparently, he's out of control.

Apparently, he's joining our class tomorrow.

I don't know what to expect. I don't know much at ALL about him, except that he is out of control. He throws things (like chairs) and has fits that no one knows how to help him out of. In the past few months things at home have gone in crazy directions that are pretty horrific so maybe these outbursts are him showing how scared he is.

He's one of the kids in the school who EVERY teacher knows. It's never good to be the kid that every teacher knows. 99.9% of the time, if every teacher knows who you are, it's because you're the one they vent about at faculty meetings.

Maybe it's my ignorance in my young age or my stupidity, but I told them I'd give it a shot. I want to see what I can do to help. I want to see if he runs away from me. I want to see if he throws at fit. I want to see if I get hit with a chair. Well, no I don't really want to see if I get hit with a chair, but maybe he'll at least help me test my reflexes. Can I dodge a chair?

Most of all, I want to see if I can help. Maybe there's something about me that will make him feel better. Or maybe I'll just drive him crazy and he'll run away from school again to the tattoo parlor he ran to last time.

So I'm given this student knowing next to nothing about him and I'm told "Good luck!" This teaching job is quite a trip.

Random Comment of the Day

2009-11-10T18:22:00.001-08:00

Me to boy: "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

Boy to me: "A toenail infection."

For the Joy

2009-11-06T16:39:00.001-08:00

Teaching is hard.

This week has been hard.

This year is by far harder than my previous two years. I don't know exactly why. Maybe it's that I have so many freakin' kids. Maybe it's because the kids I have are so far behind that I am overwhelmed with the feeling that I simply can't do it. Maybe because they're older and their personalities are more complex so on top of everything else I have smartass kids who drop f-bombs and are dating.

Yes, I understand that "dating" is a relative term for 5th graders.

One of the hardest things this week was trying to figure out how to teach my new Haitian kid who doesn't speak English. I lose sleep over the fact that I am unequipped to teach him. I feel like we - as teachers and as a school system - have let HIM down. We have him in a room with 27 other kids, most of which are below grade level, and me, a teacher who has never taught ANYONE who doesn't know English.

Sometimes, when I'm meeting with other students, I see him working on whatever I gave him to do and I just feel like I've failed. But the fact of the matter is, I can't sit with him all day and teach him English and that he's sitting in a CHAIR at a TABLE in a CLASSROOM. I can't afford to not meet with my other students because they need me too. And while I'd love to just sit with him all day and work one-on-one, that is not an option. My principal might have a heart attack.

So I feel like I'm failing.

Today he started crying uncontrollably and randomly and I have never felt so helpless. I asked him what was wrong frantically and he just looked so tortured and upset...Picture it:
Us in the hallway. Him, weeping so hard he could barely speak and me desperately trying to use my fragmented French to figure out what was making him so upset. In that moment I knew that somewhere along the line we've failed that kid. He was crying and I had no idea how to figure out what was wrong.

So moments like that, when I feel like crying, I forget how this job sometimes makes me so satisfied and happy.

It's the joy.
Every now and then, not often, there's some joy.

There's an episode of Grey's Anatomy where the doctors are pondering this same question: Why do we put ourselves through this? Why do we do a job that is so often disappointing and demoralizing? And then, of course (with the help of Dr. Bailey) they see that the occasional joys that happen make everything else worthwhile.

After he stopped crying, finally, (and by the way, we figured out what was wrong. A family member in Haiti had just been killed), I decided I was going to spend some time with him. We were making an alphabet book with English words of all of the letters on the separate pages. One of the words we were doing was "jump" so I decided to jump around. He laughed. Laughing at teachers, I have found, has no language barrier.
That was a joy.

So yes, I'm exhausted. And I often wonder why I do this when I have friends who make more money and do less work. But I guess the joys make up for all of the rest.

Until he can speak English, I guess I'll just keep having to do things that he can laugh at. I'm pretty sure I can take care of that.

Someone Do This Math For Me.

2009-11-04T13:42:00.000-08:00

I have 28 kids.

If they each ask me a question 5 times a day (I'm rounding down) that's 140 questions a day and 700 questions a week.

If 5 kids lie every day (again, rounding down) then that's 25 lies a week and 100 lies a month.

If each kid asks me to go to the bathroom every day, that's 560 "Yes, go aheads" a month.

If each kid raises their hand 10 times a day that's 280 times which is 1400 times a week.

If an average of 2 kids cry each day that's 10 times a week and 40 times a month.

If I have to check homework every day that's 140 homework folders a week and 560 times a month.

If 8 kids a day don't wash their hands after going to the bathroom (and they go twice that day), that's 32 gross hands a day and 160 gross hands a month.

If every kid sneezes all over the desk twice a day, that's 56 sneezes a day and 280 snot filled sneezes a week.

If each kid turns in 3 pieces of center work a week, then I grade 84 pieces of work a week and 336 center grades a month.

But........

If I can make them each laugh twice a day, that's 56 laughs a day and 280 laughs a week.

(that hand thing was still pretty gross though)

Trick-or-Treat

2009-11-02T15:03:00.000-08:00

So we have a mentoring program at our school where teachers can be a mentor to a 5th grade student. These 5th grade students are chosen usually because they are low academically or they have a stressful home environment. Not knowing what I was getting myself into exactly, I signed up to be a mentor.

I wasn't allowed to mentor a kid in my class so I randomly was matched up with a girl in another class. She isn't low academically, but her home life is challenging. I am apprehensive to go into it too much but I'll just say this: I couldn't live her life. I'm nowhere near strong enough.

As a mentor, I am to take her places outside of school. We've been to get ice cream, to the movies, and I see her a lot during the day. Sometimes we have lunch together and often she just stops by to (as she calls it) "annoy" me.

Last Thursday I decided I wanted to do something with her again soon and she bluntly begged, "Can you take me trick-or-treating???" She said she wasn't allowed to go with her sister (because she's on probation) and mom wouldn't be around. I agreed. She and I also invited 2 kids (one of which is in my class, the other is his cousin) to join us because they all live in the same complex. The more the merrier.

We (a fellow 5th grade teacher) and I were pumped up as we drove to pick them up. When we got there, my student and his cousin were DECKED in costume and make-up. Ready to go!

My girl, on the other hand, walked out of her apartment looking sad and without a costume. When I saw her she said, "Mom says I can't go."
My heart sank.
Mom was nowhere to be found and just my luck, doesn't speak English. We call her repeatedly on my phone and there's no answer. Finally, we get her, and long story short (literally- this was a LONG story) mom says she can go.

She is so excited. I can't tell you.

So, we're off! 2 teachers (one witch, one 80's chick), one bumble bee, one evil emperor (?) and a kid without a costume. I gave her my cape and she pretended to be a vampire.

The reason this was special was because you can't really go trick-or-treating in their complex. Not so great things are going on there after dark and there aren't many adults to watch out for them. Last week a man was found shot and dead outside of their apartments. Not the best place to go out at night.

So, instead of hanging out in their neighborhood (which I didn't feel comfortable doing), we went to the neighborhood I grew up in. And, talk about coming full circle, trick-or-treated at my parent's house.

My girl was freezing (it was a cold night) and had no jacket so my mom gave her an old sweatshirt of mine. She was so unbelievably proud of that sweatshirt so we said, of course, she could keep it.
She wore it to school today.

It was one of those things that was so easy for me to do. All I had to do was pick them up and walk around with them for a couple hours, then drop them off again. It was so simple. But for them, it was an experience. I'm not patting myself on the back, I promise. I'm just glad that I got to give them that because it wasn't hard for me to do.

On the way home my friend and I were talking in the front seat. When we paused, I heard them whispering in the back..."I can't believe teachers actually took us trick-or-treating!!!"
That was thank-you enough.

Oh, and the Milky Way I persuaded the evil emperor to give me.

Chapeau

2009-10-26T17:58:00.000-07:00

I have a new student.

He's not just any ordinary student. He's straight from Haiti- to my room. He doesn't know ANY English, only Creole (which is a lot like French) and I have no idea in HELL what I'm doing.

Because I've been recently certified as an ESOL teacher, I'm supposed to know what to do. In reality, I feel like I've been thrown into the roughest part of the ocean and told to tread water until May. I have no clue what's up from down. I don't know how to do this. On top of which, I don't know how to teach him and include him and still teach the other 27 kids.

So, I am humbled.

Today, while my co-teacher was doing a writing lesson, I took him for a walk around the school. I figured he could benefit very little from a 5th grade lesson in English when he doesn't even know the word for "teacher." Or "lesson." Or "or."

So, pulling on the B.S. French that I remember from High School, I pointed out things I knew around the school to make him laugh. I noticed that when I said something in my broken French, it would make him smile. If I said it while acting like a bit of an ass, he laughed. I figured this was a good way to get to know each other.

We walked by the Media Center. I said, "Bibliotheque!"

We walked the cafeteria. I said, "le dejeuner!" and mimed eating food.

When I saw certain colors, I said what I knew. He'd repeat them in English sometimes, but not every time. I think he just took a certain "I don't know what"* joy in seeing me look a fool.

He laughed the hardest when we were outside of the library. THere was a huge sombraro sitting there (I think as part of a display for Latino Appreciation Month? Maybe? I wasn't listening at that faculty meeting) so I put it on my head, did a jig, and said: "CHAPEAU!"

Don't worry, reader. I have some plans. Practical ones that don't involve me dancing.
Or at least very little dancing.

Plan 1: Label everything in the classroom. Even the things that move. But don't worry, I won't staple any labels on kids.

Plan 2: Books on tape where he can follow along with a book in his hand.

Plan 3: Curse myself for not taking French in college and forgetting everything but useless vocabulary that make me look like an arse.

Plan 4: Try to remember, throughout my complaining, that this kid is dealing with more of a culture shock than I will ever know and him laughing on the first day is a good sign that he's going to learn fast. Particularly when it comes to making fun of his teacher.

If you have any more plans, please let me know. Si'l vous plait.

* hee hee...get it? Je ne sais quoi? No? Ok.

Screwed By The System

2009-10-24T10:03:00.000-07:00

One reason I think 5th grade is harder than the lower grades is because of something I keep hearing from school psychologists, administrators, and other people in positions of power: "This is their last chance."

5th grade is their last chance until Middle School. When they get into Middle School, their teachers have too many kids to worry about and if we don't get these kids what they need before then, it is almost inevitable that they'll fall through the cracks.

I'll give you a perfect example.

I have a student who moved from Haiti to the states a couple of years ago. He started school in 4th grade knowing no English.
Imagine coming to America and knowing no English. Being thrown into a public school in 4th grade with no understanding of what's going on.

He was retained last year and is now repeating 5th grade in my class.

All year (it feels like later than October) we have been struggling on how to teach him the best. He's incredibly bright, kind, has a huge smile on his face every time you walk in the room, and he wants to learn. HE WANTS TO LEARN. He tries hard every time I read with him.

Naturally, he's on like a 1st grade reading level (on a good day). Because he's now so amazingly fluent in English, it is hard to tell whether or not the struggles he has in reading is because of his language issues or because he has a learning disability.

Now, this is what I've been internally battling ever since the first day this incredible kid was in my class: What will his future be like?

He will go to Middle School and like other kids who are behind, he will struggle. What will become of him? Will he finish Middle and High School despite the inevitable uphill battle it will be? Will he even consider College? Will he get a job? What will happen in his life?
A 5th grade kid who can't read higher than a 1st grade book in Middle School...I don't know how much tenacity it will take him to stay in school but I don't know if I could do it.

It's like another student I had that just moved. Bright, kind student who was going through the process of possibly being considered for Special Ed (there is a WHOLE system that I'm sure I'll explain later). Every day with this student I had been taking anecdotal records, notes on behavior, how many times she asked for help, how many times she needed breaks in the day, the list goes on and on. I have a mountain of notes I've taken on her to be my back-up so when a meeting was called to discuss how she is functioning in the classroom, I'd have plenty to show.

She moved. All of those unofficial notes that could've been great support are now null and void. She has a new school, new teacher, new struggle to not get screwed by the system. And if that teacher doesn't do her job and figure how how to meet the needs of that girl she will go to Middle School and possibly lose her way.

The reason I'm posting this today is because on Oprah yesterday there was a man who was in jail being interviewed. He, and the woman he tried to rob at gunpoint, were being interviewed about why he did what he did and how he got to that point in his life. He talked about how he was struggling because he didn't have a job, dad left long ago, had a baby to support, and he saw no other way out of that life but to rob someone.

When I saw that young man (who actually is about my age) I thought of my boy who might go to Middle School and just drop out because it'll be so hard for him. I thought about how that man, now in an orange jumpsuit, was once a 5th grade student somewhere and I wondered about that teacher.

What I do makes a difference. Not in the cheesy way, but in the real way. This is their last chance before the hustle and bustle of Middle School when teachers have way too many kids to worry about so a lot of struggles will be overlooked. A lot of kids will drop out. And then what will they do?

To Legit to Quit (hey hey!)

2009-10-22T17:27:00.000-07:00

I'm reading a chapter book about the Titanic with one of my reading groups. They are totally into it. They are inquisitive about why certain things happened and have opinions about EVERYTHING.

The book uses names of actual passengers and what they went through during Titanic's voyage. In one chapter, where lifeboats are being boarded and a lot of people are being left behind, the author writes a lot about a particular woman in the first class who was being separated from her family. The kids, for whatever reason, were very curious about her.
What happened to her after the book is over?

So me, being an internet whore, gathered them around my computer and we did some research. Amazingly enough, we found a website all about the survivors of Titanic. It had what lifeboat they got on, their age when they were on Titanic, and where they lived afterward.

You should've heard the GASP when we found the woman's name. To see that the chapter book and that website had her name in the same lifeboat was freakishly cool to them. We then spent the next 10 minutes looking up pictures of Captain Smith, Mr. Murdoch, and other people the book talked about.

There was one part of the site that they were floored by. It had the names of all of the passengers, according to class, and it also had their age and if they got in a lifeboat. To scroll down from first class to third, they were saddened by all of the names that didn't have lifeboat numbers by them. To add to how freaking depressing this was, it showed their ages. So when they found a kid their age in the third class who didn't make it, somehow it hit home.

A ship that sailed almost 100 years ago from a place they've never been TO a place they've never been...boarded by people they have no connection to...somehow it still hit home.

It was cool. It was cool that they saw that books are legit. To legit to quit.

(Sidenote: it was also great that they hadn't seen the movie Titanic so their opinions weren't skewed by images of Leonardo DiCaprio freezing in the water and saying "NEVER LET GO!")

There Is No Such Thing As A Stupid Question.

2009-10-20T17:56:00.000-07:00

Kid: "What's semen?"

Teacher: "What?"

Kid: "Semen."

Teacher: "Why do you ask?"

Kid: "I found the word in a book by my dad's bed. What is it?"

Teacher: "Ask your dad."

FIN.

Once You Were Us.

2009-10-19T17:59:00.000-07:00

Let me tell you what it is like to be in my shoes.
First of all, I always wear patterned socks that generally match the season so my feet are quite warm as I am wearing socks with pumpkins and bats.

Now, onto what it is metaphorically like to be in my shoes.

The best part of this job are the kids. The words part is the adults. All of the adults. They get in the way of the only reason we do this job.

I've always thought that my job should be two separate jobs (at least!). The jobs being:
1: Teacher. The part I actually like doing. Being with the kids and teaching lessons.

2: All the CYAB: This is the "Cover Your Ass Business" that involves adults. "CYA" is a frequently used acronym in schools around the country. It basically entails everything you do that doesn't have anything to do with why you love the job. Paperwork, dealing with administration, county procedures, and other random B.S. that makes you want to quit. This is why, by the way, teachers quit.

I got into this job because of kids, not adults. Unfortunately, however, so much of my day is dealing with adults.

The hardest thing is when someone comes into your classroom and finds fault in something minuscule and judges your entire performance on one simple and brief occurrence. It is so easy to walk into a classroom and find fault. Don't administrators remember they were us teachers once?
So they come in my room and there is a student who lost her writing. Because they noticed that student, they take notes that my students can't find their work. Is this because they're irresponsible? No, it's because I'm not organized enough. So now I must revamp my organization on top of all of the other stuff when in actuality, that kid is just irresponsible and left her paper on the floor so someone threw it away.
There is so much to do with my day that doing all of these things after teaching makes me feel demoralized, tired, and like sitting on my couch watching daytime television with a potato chip stuck to my face seems like a pretty good idea.

A note to administrators: You were us once. Once you were teachers.

Once you were swimming in a sea of kids who each have personalities, families, struggles, medications, behavior problems, and issues.
Once you were standing in front of the kids trying your damnedest to reach EVERYONE at once while simultaneously telling that kid not to pick his nose and that kid to stop sharpening their pencil.
Once you were us dealing with parents on the phone while, at the same time, one kid hits another in the face and a fight breaks out.
Once you were us dealing with grading papers because data is due in 20 minutes and you couldn't finish it because, God forbid, you were teaching.
Once you were us, trying to meet the needs of all of your students while also trying to meet the needs of all of the parents.
Once you were us, 15 minutes late on your daily schedule because the math lesson was so much fun and the kids were so engaged that you just couldn't stop.
Once you were us, teaching.

Please, don't forget it.

Love, Not Really

2009-10-13T14:11:00.000-07:00

So one of my boys came up to me today and said another boy had written a love note. So, when I asked for it, on the outside it said: "LOVE NOTE"

And on the inside it said:

"You are the best teacher ever. This isn't really a love note. GOT YA! HEEE HEE HEE!"

My kids rock.

Love, Actually

2009-10-12T18:15:00.001-07:00

Believe it or not, love notes are in abundance in my classroom. I find cut out hearts on the floor ALL the time.

We discussed not wasting work time on writing love notes EXTENSIVELY in our class meetings. Particularly the one we had on Friday.

So I have a male student who, quite frankly, is all grown up. He has been retained before so he's in a "Middle School" frame of mind and is totally aware of girls. This is foreign to me as in 3rd grade the boys and girls opted not to communicate.

Anyway, he's been becoming more and more open with his ... feelings ... which have shown themselves in various ways. He's grabbing butts, he's drawing pictures of naked women, he's just totally inappropriate.

... He is also writing love notes.

Now, when I was in 5th grade love notes meant something COMPLETELY different than they mean to my students. I got several love notes (but ignored all of them because I was/am totally socially inept when it comes to boys) and all they meant was that they guy wanted to hold your hand at recess or cheer you on while you play four-square.

In my classroom, however, it might tend to be more serious. They might become sexually active and it just gives me the creeps.

So, because these love notes aren't so innocent, we tell the kids that if we find them it'll be bad news.

SO WHAT DO I FIND?!? A love note. From the boy in question.

We've all seen the scenes in movies where the mean/evil/bitter teacher reads notes aloud to embarrass the kid and I never wanted to be that person. ON the other hand, we had JUST talked about not sending love notes and I told them that if I found one they'd be embarrassed.

But, wanting not to humiliate the kid, I made a deal. If he was on blue or purple by the end of the day I would rip up the note and never share the contents. If he was on yellow or red, I'd share it with the group. ** So students move their clips up for good behavior and down for bad so from the bottom the colors go red, yellow, green, blue, purple.

Every kid in the class awaits the end of the day and the boy is on yellow. I get in front of the room, clear my throat, and then debate with myself whether or not I should share. When I ask the student, "Ok, I don't want to embarrass you, did you learn a lesson?" He laughs and says "NO! I'll write another! Hehehehe!!!"

So I read it. I skipped some inappropriate parts but I read the jist of it. Everyone laughed. It was all in all, an enjoyable letter. And actually it was the longest thing he's written all year so at least I might be able to take a writing grade from it.

While it's funny, it also sincerely terrifies me. A lot of these kids are home alone and hang out with each other with no one home and I know there is the potential for not so great stuff to be going on. I know you are probably thinking they're too young for that stuff- but I'm telling you from what I've heard, they're not. It's scary. It's not so innocent. Love notes aren't what they used to be.

So I tell them if they want to write someone a note, write me a note about how great of a teacher I am. Feel free to include my stellar sense of humor and how well I grade papers.

Laughter

2009-10-11T09:32:00.000-07:00

I have a student who always laughs when she gets in trouble.

She takes punishment very seriously, and cries, and whines, and pouts, but when I'm talking to her sternly about what she did wrong she starts to crack a smile. You can tell from her expression she's SERIOUSLY trying to keep a straight face but it is physically impossible. The smile starts to spread across her face, which she starts to cover with her hand, and her eyes look like she's being tortured. Then, the giggle starts and stops like the engine of an old car. And FINALLY, because it's so inappropriate, I crack a smile. Then she laughs. Then I laugh. Then I try to get stern again but it fails and I just tell her to go away.

So this last time it happened she got in trouble for mouthing off at me after she got in trouble for something small and stupid and I pulled her aside and I was going into a speech about respect (sometimes my speeches are a little OUT THERE but regardless, I think by now I could put out a CD on teacher-speeches ranging from topics like jail to barbies that I've made to kids). As I'm talking, she starts to smile.

So I guess the way to win me back on my good side is by laughing at inappropriate times. Because I'm a sucker for a good laugh and won't be able to deny it.

Or, she's a sneaky fifth grader who has found a way to use my love for laughter against me and her brilliance will work year long and it won't really make a difference to me because I cannot refuse a good chuckle.

Goo

2009-10-07T14:15:00.000-07:00

I have a new student.
I have my work cut out for me.

He's not a behavior problem, although his paperwork suggests he might be, but I'm not worried about that. I'm worried about the fact that he is really low and I have a lot of work to do this year. I started documentation on him the minute he walked in the door. That's how worried I am.

Just how worried am I? In a word? Goo.

You might be asking yourself: "What the heck is goo?"
Well, the morning work yesterday had the number 90 in it (as in, "There are 90 students...") and when he got to the number 90 he pronounced it "goo." Now, I see where he's coming from because 9 backwards is "g" and zero could be "o" (even though that word would be "go" and not "goo") but still. I have a lot of work to do.
I have a lot of work to goo.
Sorry I couldn't resist.

On another note, I've blogged several times about a girl I had two years ago who I chose to have again in my class this year. WELL...she's moving tomorrow. I've seen her grow from an immature and poorly behaved 3rd grader to a fun, bright, hard working fifth grader.

She has called and woken me up more times than I'd like to think of. She sometimes just calls and asks me what I'm doing. She writes me letters and cards and it is just crappy that she's moving. On a funny note, however, in one of her letters she wrote, "I WILL TELL MY GRANDKIDS ABOUT YOU!" which is hilarious because there's no way in hell she's going to do that.

Anyway, one kid arrives and one kid leaves.
One kid loves me and the other is goo.
The ebb and flow of my job is freakish.

When It Rains...

2009-10-05T16:06:00.001-07:00

You know when things are going wrong? Like this morning, for example, I woke up later than I wanted to and my shower only had cold water.

I'm going to go ahead and admit that it didn't really only have cold but that I was so delusional from sleep that I couldn't remember which way to turn which facet. This happens a lot, actually.

But, being sleep-stupid, I didn't feel like doing all the brain work that goes into turning facets in the right direction so I had a cold shower. Then, I realized it was raining so any hope that my hair would participate was out the window.

Then, I ran to my car in the rain only to discover my car was dead. Dead. I mean, Swayze dead. (Too soon?)
So I called a friend and she picked me up (THANK GOD) and we weren't late. And all of this drama happened before 7:00 am.

I don't want to get into it, but there is drama going on at work right now. DRAMA. And I don't deal well with adults being morons so I have to breathe and handle it. I would write about it, but what if somehow my principal finds a way to link me to this blog and then fires me for being unprofessional? That would be bad. By the way, if she did figure that out and she is reading this: hello. You are a good principal and I love my job.

So when it rains, it pours. And it is pouring me in my 27th student tomorrow (who has awful grades and was previously asked to leave this school because he wasn't in district. AKA: he was kicked out for bad behavior).

But I promise you this: whatever hellish morning you have you simply CANNOT ignore 26 kids yelling "GOOD MORNING!" and being excited to be at school. They come in with random stories about some dead animal they found in the woods or their cousin who threw up and you instantly forget your troubles. It's a fact.

So adults suck. Bills suck. Car troubles suck. Rain sucks. My hair sucks. Boys suck. Getting up early sucks. Frozen lunches suck.
But my job? My job makes me forget all the stuff that "sucks."

(BY the way, the time comes EVERY YEAR like clockwork that my students try to find me a husband. This afternoon they started taking bets on who could find me the best husband. One kid said, "I bet I can find you a guy on MySpace!!" Oh geez.)

Hoedown Throwdown

2009-09-30T17:10:00.000-07:00

I have a lot of kids that are really low in math. And when I say low, I mean LOW. I mean apple-bottom jeans, boots with the fur low.

For example, you could walk into my classroom and ask one of my lower kids, "What is 2 - 1?" and it would seriously take them a minute. When I encounter these situations, a tear forms in my eye and I pray to the gods that they'll pass 5th grade. Then, I regroup, realize the separation of church and state, and decide on a game plan.

We do a lot of math in our room. It's 12:30-2:00 every day. EVERY day. We do a short lesson whole group and then math centers where the kids practice different skills (applying to real world situations, manipulating things, playing games, computer practice, making products that show they know the math standard) and most IMPORTANTLY, they meet with me.

Because the groups are based in ability, every small group I have is different. My highest group needs multi-step, challenging problems and my lowest group needs to review, review, practice, practice.

Today we were doing multiplying decimals by decimals and that is VERY hard to do when they don't really even want to multiply normal whole numbers. Or add. Or do anything except talk about Hannah Montana or Beyonce and Jay-Z. So it's my job to figure out how to make them want to do it. How do I motivate kids who HATE math?

One of the boys started singing this Miley Cyrus song "Hoedown Throwdown" (and let me just say: 99% of the things about Miley Cyrus I hate. I think she's annoying. I think she's too loud. I think she makes me feel bitter and old but regardless...she annoys me) and he couldn't get this song out of his head. Then, it spread throughout the group. They couldn't get this song out of their head.

Well, me being a firm believer that my i Phone is a manipulative motivator, downloaded the song off iTunes and said that I'd play snippets of the song every time the whole group got the question right. Amazingly, the decimals were in right place and they suddenly remembered what 7 x 8 was.

Did playing the song distract everyone else in the room? Yes. Did it make my kids in the small group break into dance? Yes. Did it get stuck in my head all day? Yes.
BUT, did the kids get the freakin' decimal questions right? Yes.

So sometimes all the tried and true methods don't work. Or maybe I'm not smart enough to use them correctly. And I'm sure there is NO book out there that encourages what I did. But it worked.

Unfortunately, that song is now on my playlist. I will always think of decimals when I hear "Hoedown Throwdown." It's unfortunate that Miley probably doesn't know what a decimal is.

A Walk in the Woods

2009-09-28T15:58:00.000-07:00

Today one of my most challenging students moved classrooms because we recently found out she needs to be in a Special Ed room (even though I knew it all along) so she had to move. Yes, this a good thing for her. But am I relieved?
Oddly no.

I know I complained (mostly just to my mom) about her and she made me frustrated every single day but the strangest thing was last Friday she was awesome. She did work. She tried hard. She completed homework from the night before. She smiled when she saw me. And every minute she was good I just thought "DAMN. She has to go on Monday."

First worry: She would think I wanted her to leave.
Second worry: She wouldn't like it in her new room.

She was adjusted. The kids were accustomed to her...antics. She was becoming kind and actually communicating. And, what FREAKED me out the most, is once on Friday she walked past me and said, "excuse me." Now this may sound ordinary to you, but from the girl I'm used to cussing at other students and rolling her eyes and smacking her lips at anything that breathes, this was a huge accomplishment.

I can only compare how I feel about this situation to a book I recently finished, A Walk in the Woods by Bill Bryson. It isn't a particularly exciting book, which is why it is so special. It is the story of a man who simply wanted to walk the Appalachian Trail. Not so simple, as I discovered. The book described day after day of arduous walking...he was in pain, he was starving, he was cold, he was hot, he was wet, he was tired, he was annoyed by fellow hikers...but he walked.

Most days nothing particularly news worthy happened. More exciting encounters included seeing a moose and meeting eccentric characters throughout his months of walking. But he walked on. Walked walked walked.

During some hard times he asked himself why he started this when he could be home in his warm bed with a full stomach. But when he was home, despite it's comforts and luxuries, he ached for the trail.

I was disappointed to find out he didn't finish the trail...I wanted to celebrate in that completion as I'm sure he did. But he still had a sense of accomplishment in what he could do, when he could do it. He ends the book swearing he'll one day return.

I feel that way about this student. I've tried so hard and put myself through hell trying to do whatever I can to reach her so that I can help her succeed this year and pass 5th grade, and now she's not in my room anymore.

But Bryson wasn't disappointed in himself that he didn't finish the trail. He, instead, chose to look at it as accomplishing something huge - something MASSIVE - that he never thought he could. His was part of the intimidating Appalachian Trail and mine is a formerly rude 5th grader saying "excuse me."

Hell, that's my walk in the woods.

What I Can't Do vs. What I Can

2009-09-27T16:57:00.000-07:00

I have a student who has the wit of someone 4 times his age. He has a dry sense of humor, he's incredibly smart, he never shows emotion, and is pretty much the coolest kid you can imagine. He loves the Simpsons, The Chapelle Show, and telling inappropriate jokes. He knows all the answers to any academic question you could ask him - and somehow pulls off negotiating candy for everything without being disrespectful. In short, it's easy to forget he's a kid.

Lately he's been smiling and laughing, which I know he hates to do because it shows a bit of his human underbelly. Usually he pretends he's a "Mr Burns" who would rather run his own corporation than bother himself with silly 5th grade assignments. I think all of my weeks of stupid jokes and unashamedly telling him he's a cool kid have finally broken him down a little bit. I know that I've accomplished an incredibly hard task when he cracks a smile. I take it as a victory.

Usually, however, he sits quietly and does his work. Always does his work.

He's in my highest reading group and we're reading the Gary Paulsen book Hatchet. It is the story of a boy, Brian, whose parents have just gotten divorced which completely changes his life. In the midst of all of this, his plane crashes in the Canadian wilderness and all he has is a hatchet to keep him alive. Throughout his struggle for survival, he's also trying to survive his parent's separation. It's a pretty cool story.

One day, this kid came in having not done his homework. I, being in a foul mood, told him to leave the group and I'd talk to him later. The reaction on his face was strange so I made a mental note to figure out what was going on with him.
About an hour later I asked him to come to my desk and I asked him why he didn't do his homework and what was going on.

He started to get flustered and his face turned pink so I pulled him out into the hallway. The last thing this kid wanted was for anyone to see him cry.

He proceeded to tell me that his mom moved out. He doesn't know why. He doesn't know if she's coming back. Reading the book was hard because the parents in it were getting divorced too.

To see the other side to this kid - the kid side- the scared side...it reminded me that he doesn't know all the answers. Yes, he's about 100 times smarter than I was at that age and yes, he has read every Harry Potter book. Twice. But he's still a kid and life is still sucky and confusing.

He didn't want a hug but I gave him one anyway.

The next day he asked if he could sit with me at lunch. I was so freakin' happy I almost cried.

I hear about these stories a lot with my kids. It is a constant struggle for me to accept what I can do for these kids and what I can't do. I can't pay their bills. I can't get their dad out of jail and I can't help this boy's mom move back in. But I can eat lunch with him. I can give him extra attention and I can try to make him smile with my stupid jokes.

I know I can't help in the big ways...but hopefully I can help in enough small ways that it somehow makes sucky life stuff more bearable.

On Friday? Don't tell. I gave him some of my diet coke. He wanted to mix it with his chocolate milk at lunch to form a new concoction. No, I shouldn't have allowed this. But that stupid mixture of diet coke and chocolate milk distracted him for just a few moments so it was TOTALLY worth it.

Weird Traditions

2009-09-18T15:06:00.000-07:00

As we have just finished the 6th week of school, there have been a lot of routines that are developing into traditions in my classroom. Daily little things that a particular kid always does.

For example, there is a fish tank application on my phone and every day one particular kid gets to "clean the fish tank." (It's like the fish tank got dirty so he has to squidgy it off so the fish can breathe. He also feeds them) Even if he wasn't the first person to ask, it's his daily thing. There are 25 kids in my room, I need to make sure I make him feel special when I can.

Or another girl who always gets my lunch out of the microwave. I know it sounds like child labor, but she looks forward to it and asks me if I don't remind her. She loves bringing me my lunch. It's weird, but it's a tradition. Maybe because every time she hands it to me I say, "I'm going to name my first born after you."

And there's this weird tradition I have with one of my boys. He brought in this one particular tissue box and pointed out that he brought it when it was being used in the room. Like the strange person I am, I got a sharpie and wrote his name on the box, an equal sign, and the word "cool." From now on, whenever we pull out a new tissue box (regardless of whether or not he brought it in) I write that he's cool on it. It's weird. But it's also kinda special in a weird way.

Almost every kid has a weird thing like that. I don't make an effort to do them or think really hard to make them up, but when I notice that something makes them feel special then I try to keep it up.

I feel overwhelmed with all of them sometimes and just doing those little weird things makes them feel noticed. It makes me feel like they're not a GROUP - they're a lot of individuals that I NEED to get to know on an individual basis.

There's also a girl that gets to sing every day during 2nd load (if she doesn't sing throughout the ENTIRE day), a boy who has two names...his real one if I'm mad at him and the one he likes if I'm not...there are nicknames, accents, dances, handshakes, and inside jokes that make my job fun.

Sometimes I think I have the hardest job in the world.
But sometimes I think I'm fooling all of you and I'm just a big kid who gets to be a huge dork all day long.

Have You Met My Cousin?

2009-09-17T15:53:00.000-07:00

A HUGE difference between 3rd graders and 5th graders is this: 5th graders CANNOT mind their own business.

They can't ignore things. They can't NOT boss others around. They have to stick their noses into EVERYONE'S business. If this weren't such a huge part of my day, I'd find it hilarious.

It's like they're all on some Survivor-like game show where the more information they reveal about their competitors will get them further in the quest for victory.

I don't know what it is, maybe they're at an age where they start to think of themselves as "in charge." They are the oldest in the school so they have this confidence that is freakish and they act like they own the joint.

I have to say COUNTLESS times a day to almost every one of them, "You need to mind your own business." They have to know what and why everyone is doing what they are doing at any given time in the day. It's absurd.

Because we've established that I'm a loon, I started this thing last year with my kids that is stupid but funny in it's own stupid way. It has become this year's current class motto.

Let's imagine a kid was just incredibly nosy.
I say:

Me: "Have you met my cousin?"
Kid: "Who?"
Me: "Mindya."
Kid: "Mindya?"
Me: "Do you know what her last name is? Bidness. Mindya Bidness."

Which of course sounds like "mind your business." We do it with like every phrase known to man. It's developed into...

"Do you know my friend Gitinya? Gitinya Seat."
or
"Have you met my buddy Husha? Hushya Mouth."
or
"Hey- do you know my uncle Gettooo? Gettoo Work."

So that's our current motto ONLY because I have to say it countless times a day. It's not particularly inspirational or positive, but it needs to be tattooed on each one of them ASAP.

So, let me introduce you to my aunt Donwiddah. Donwiddah Post.

Favorite Time of Day

2009-09-16T13:23:00.001-07:00

(no, it's not dismissal)

I used to sit in the teacher's lounge (lounge isn't the correct term...its a small room with dead bugs, tired microwaves, and a vending machine) for lunch when my kids ate in the cafeteria. This year, however, all of the students in 4th and 5th are eating both breakfast and lunch in the classroom because of the extreme chaos that ensues in the cafeteria. Yup, you heard it. My kids are in my room for 2 of their meals.

At first I thought I was going to HATE this. I wouldn't get to go to my room for lunch for peace and quiet, the room would smell weird, etc. But as the weeks have gone by (six weeks already!) lunch has become my favorite time of day.

We don't have to eat with our kids in the classrooms - they arranged for other teachers to monitor our kids during this half hour so we could have our duty free lunch. This is FANTASTIC for me because I stay in there (and 4 kids always get to eat with me...boys one day, girls another) and I'm only there for those 4 kids. If any other kid comes up to me that isn't sitting with me I say "I'm not here!!" and they have to ask the random teacher in our room whatever question or bother them with whatever problem.
This means I get 30 minutes of silly, funny, relaxed time with a few students. It feels "duty free."

Sometimes I toy with the idea of eating somewhere else for lunch but inevitably, right before lunch, kids literally RACE to my desk for a spot. How can I not sit with them when they are racing to sit with me? After being terrified that 5th graders wouldn't like me, and now they can't wait to just talk to me while they eat...I can't give that up.

Today I was with 4 hilarious boys. All Mexican born, all shy in the big group but eccentric and unique when I get them in small groups. One ALWAYS wears a mood ring but never knew that the colors meant so today during lunch we looked it up. I swear, they all blushed when I said that if it turns purple it means he is feeling "romantic."

During lunch we just get to chat. It is seriously the most relaxing time of my day because one of my favorite things about my job is getting to know the kids. Getting to know what they care about, what makes them laugh, what they're interested in, and what they want to do with their lives. There are such strange things that come up if you just have an open forum.

I also learn a lot! Like, for example, when I had this particular group of boys last week we spend the ENTIRE lunch looking at a dollar bill I happened to have in my pocket and we analyzed everything on it. One of my boys even showed me the owl that is hidden on it. Did you know there is an owl on the dollar bill? Because I went 25 years, 4 years of undergrad, and received a masters and never knew that there's an owl.

Maybe my kids are just cooler than other kids. Maybe I'm just a bigger dork than other teachers. But lunch with 11 year olds has become the highlight of my day.

Hello, Goodbye

2009-09-10T16:40:00.000-07:00

Since school started 5 weeks ago, we've had 3 kids transfer and received 6 new kids. One girl was only here 2 days before she transferred to a new school. It's like a revolving door.

I got a new student today who is fantastic. I find that on their first day, everyone's scared. Even the biggest bully on planet EARTH is going to be terrified when they walk into a new classroom. Everyone is staring them up and down, they don't know where to sit, their teachers might be really mean...first days are rough.

By the end of the day when I was sitting with her, she looked at me and shyly said, "I don't feel like I'm at school." I asked her what she meant and she said she had too much fun for it to be school. I then smiled and told her she was my new favorite person.

Unfortunately, when it comes to their last day, we usually don't know their last day when it happens. My three that have left withdrew after they had missed school a couple of days. That makes a pit grow in your stomach because you know that they didn't know they were leaving. Their stuff is still in their cubby. They can't say "bye" to their friends. Us teachers just get approached with a withdrawl form from our lovely school secretary and we squint and shield ourselves and hope it isn't for us.
I had a kid last year who had been in 7 schools as a 3rd grader.
I have a student who just didn't come to school for 2 weeks and his parents never withdrew him so he's been in limbo for weeks.

I have no culminating wisdom. I just feel like I'm always saying hello or goodbye.

Fears

2009-09-09T15:24:00.000-07:00

Today's journal question was "What are you afraid of?"
The answers? Hilarious.

One student said he was afraid of the world ending because (quote), "The sun will explode and we'll all burn up!!! It will hurt."
(By the way, several kids were really concerned about this by the end of the day...)

Another said he was afraid of anacondas and (again, quote), "When they catch you, you can see in their eyes that they're happy to kill you."
(When he said that last part he put his journal down and STARED DOWN the class. It was quite a moment. I got chills)

ANOTHER boy, who I think was just trying to push my buttons, said he was afraid of butterflies. They were too pretty or something and it freaked him out.

Other kids were afraid of squirrels (because they're evil), scorpions, strangers, my co-teacher, bears (because they will "rip your FACE OFF!"), and one kid even went into great detail about how he is afraid of Teletubbies.

My favorite, however, (I know what you're thinking...how could Teletubbies not be my favorite?) was one of our really shy boys who I simply adore. He doesn't speak up much and only learned English a couple years ago.
He, very quietly, shared his entry. He said that he is afraid of the dark because when the lights go out he sees all the scary things he's seen in movies. He says he doesn't understand why this happens, but that he thinks they're all coming to get him.

After he shared I pulled him aside and shared with him that the dark was actually my real fear. That when I turn off the lights I TOO see all of the villains from movies and I think every sound is them coming to get me. I genuinely meant every word and thanked him for being honest and helping me know I'm not the only one! He hugged me. It was perfect.

So we have anacondas, the sun exploding, and evil squirrels. Just another day in 5th grade...

Needs

2009-09-05T11:08:00.001-07:00

This week has been a rough one for me. It has left me coming back to the word "needs."

I have to meet the needs of each of my 25 students...but they each have different needs. Which means I have to find a way to determine their needs, find a strategy, test it, see if it meets their needs and if it doesn't I start all over again.

I think this week has been so difficult because I am running myself ragged trying to be the best teacher for EACH kid and I don't know if it is possible. Our class has many really NEEDY kids. When I say needy, I mean that they might be really low academically (like my student who is on a kindergarten reading level), or maybe they need so much attention because of their extreme behaviors (like kids on medication or those who have diagnosed disorders). Or maybe their needs are emotional like my students who have restraining orders against parents or family in jail.
I have never had this much NEED in my life.

It has left me waking up in the middle of the night thinking about something I could've done better. I literally startle myself, wake up, and think about that particular student until I pass out again.

For example...I have one student that I cannot possibly explain. If I sit here and tell you all of the awful things she's said and done then I'd be doing the situation an injustice because I just simply don't understand her. I know she's not a bad kid. As a teacher, if you believe a kid is bad then you are giving them a death sentence for the year. She's not bad, she's just a COMPLETE mystery that I don't know how to solve.

One reason? Her records from her previous school haven't come yet. I've called. I've requested them via fax, and still no records. She could be Special Ed, she could have some psychological disorder, she could have all kinds of specific things that I should know about but I don't. So it's like I'm blind here.

Another thing, she's huge. She's taller than me (and my other huge student), she looks like an adult, and half the teachers in the building already know who she is because they are so startled by her appearance.

She's angry, she comes across as disrespectful, and she's mean to other students but that isn't what bothers me the most. What bothers me is that those things get in the way of me teaching her. I can't reach her. I don't know how yet. There is a WAY to get to her and help her succeed.. .and if I don't find it then she's going to drown in Middle School. There's too many teachers, stresses, pressures, students, so now is her last chance of getting reached before she's too much of an adult.

Yesterday when I was leaving school I saw her walking, with a friend, across a busy (not so great part of town) street. She looked like an adult. There she was, walking around, who knows where she was going. When I was in 5th grade, my mom would NEVER let me be on my own...particularly in that part of town. While every passing car would assume that she's a teenager...I know she's a 5th grade girl who NEEDS someone to meet her NEEDS. And that someone is me.
And I feel completely lost.

Human Growth and Development

2009-08-28T13:35:00.000-07:00

One major difference between teaching 3rd grade and teaching 5th?
Puberty.

We had our "Human Growth and Development" day today where the girls and boys were separated and awkwardness ensued.

To start, the woman who taught it wasn't all that fantastic. When she'd say something to the girls about what will ... happen ... soon all graphically (literally...there were graphics) the looks on their faces were one of three things:

1. HORROR
2. Embarrassment
3. Disgust

I am not going into all of the questions, comments, and the video...but I'll just say that everyone was changed after today.

The funniest thing was when we all returned as one class in the afternoon and I knew the boys had heard all kinds of stuff about "becoming a man" and the girls were all freaked out by "becoming a woman." One boy, for some UNKNOWN reason, decided he'd start asking ME questions about his ... situation ... and I had to stop him and say, "Ask your parents." I can't be having sperm questions. I'm sorry. Call me crazy.

Anyway, while a lot of our kids know WAY too much and are already developing and (scarily enough) becoming sexually active...this morning was quite awkward, terrorizing, and uncomfortable.
And that was just for the adults.

The Right Questions

2009-08-26T15:27:00.001-07:00

There are two words that I always try to ask my kids whenever there is ANY down time. In the hallway, before/during/after lunch, after I read with them, in the morning, before dismissal...
You seriously never know what they will say if you only ask, "What's up?"

I have a quiet student that seemed a little down yesterday. He wasn't crying or anything, he just didn't seem like himself. I had him come to my desk and I just asked him what was going on because he seemed a little down. Thank God I asked...he told me his brother had been arrested the night before and was going to be deported.

This kid NEVER would've thought to interrupt me or have the courage to come up to me and tell me without being prompted. I don't know if he was too sad, embarrassed, scared, or just thought I wouldn't care. I don't know what it is that kept him from just telling me, or what it was that made me ask, but I'm so glad I did.

I have been trying to "interview" each kid about their home life because it is SUCH a simple question but it elicits such information. For example, some kids live with their entire extended family in a small apartment...some kids live with their grandparents and I might've just assumed that those were their parents. There's usually information there that you need to know...particularly in the population of students I teach. Just asking, "So, who do you live with?" can paint a very informative picture.

Today when I asked a student about his home after we did some reading, he told me he lives with his mom and his brother. Usually, unfortunately, this is the case. It's mom (and maybe a boyfriend) and sibling(s). Dads are long gone.

So when I asked where his dad lived and if he saw him much he said, "No, my mom put out a restraining order on him so I'm not allowed to see him."

Now I'm sure this would come up eventually in paperwork but ... when?

I wish I had more time in the day to just ask. I'm sure there's a kid in my room who I haven't asked the right question to who is holding on to something I might need to know...

Sometimes it's more important to know the right questions instead of the right answers.

Connect

2009-08-24T15:52:00.000-07:00

I had a student last year that, you might recall, I referred to as my "little Jim Carey." He was also often referred to as my "token white kid" as he is the only white kid I've had thus far. He's adorable, has BEAUTIFUL blue eyes, and...will NOT sit in his chair for more than 2 minutes.

When I say he "bounces off the walls" - it is no idiom. He will bounce of walls if you let him. Although I struggled with getting work from him, I totally connected with the kid. If he did work for more than 20 minutes (which would be at my desk so he could focus) I'd let him wear my 80's rock band wig. This wig was the only thing that would get him to focus. I used it early, I used it often.

You know the expression, "Give him an inch, he'll take a mile?" Well, with this kid it was more like "Give him a centimeter, he'll run to Texas." But this kid didn't have a mean bone in his body.
We had little jokes and he would crack the entire class up every day. He loved laughing and making people laugh and saying I look back on him fondly would be a HUGE understatement. He made our class last year.

Fast forward to this year...

I ask his teachers today how he's doing and they roll their eyes and say that he NEEDS to be on medication. They say that even medication probably wouldn't help him. They sigh and complain and not a hint of a smile graces their faces as they talk about him.

Yes, he's frustrating at times, but I hate that they see him like that.

We don't want all of our students to be the ones that sit silently, never mutter anything over a whisper, and do their work every day to perfection. Or at least I don't want all of my students to be like that. Those students don't need me.

This all makes me think about the connection we have with our students.There's a teacher quote (lame, I know, but still it's good) "To teach a kid you have to know the kid."

Somehow as I look back on my connections with students, the ones I remember the most are the ones that "take a mile." The kid that might be a behavior problem or might be really low but for whatever reason the little outcast in me connects to the little outcast in them.

So maybe these teachers will teach him better this year than I could last year. Maybe they'll find a way to make him stay seated...but frankly, I don't know if making him give up that eccentric, fun part is worth what you might be taking from him. His vibrant, exuberant, hilarious personality is priceless and you have to find a way to fit it into how you're going to teach him. You have to connect to HIM, as an individual, and not expect him to be like your shy, well behaved student.

Ok, so a little part of me wants to steal him and have him be in my class where I enjoy outcasts and strange kids. I know I can't. I just wish that they could connect.

Old Dead White Guys

2009-08-20T17:17:00.000-07:00

In 5th grade we teach a TON of history. We go from the Civil War to today and everything in between. Literally. (Needless to say I have some reading to catch up on).

So, being the nerd that I am, I decided that we would learn all of the Presidents (do one a day), learn the song to help us with our memorization, and it could be a fun daily challenging tradition.

So today we did Jackson (if you ever see me, ask me to sing the song...although it's cuter when sung by children) and as I introduce the new President I usually say something to the affect of, "Guess what?!? It's another old, dead, white guy."

I think I started saying that because I have no white students. And, as a side note, I can't tell you how happy I am that Obama was elected because my kids will see one guy that looks a little like them.

Anyway, so my "mime" student usually enters the room in the morning with a huge hopeful smile on his face and says, "Will we learn about another old dead white guy today?!" And I say, "Yes. Yes we will."

The amazing thing is that they remember the facts and can tell anyone who walks in some random piece of information on each dead white guy we've studied. Plus, every time we need to transition we sing the song and even the most "cool" kid in the class will join in.

I'm hoping that they keep looking forward to learning about the Presidents because right now it is such a great part of our classroom. No, it's not a standard, but I want them to know that they CAN memorize those 44 names and that the stupid song we sing they will remember all their lives. It WILL come in handy. One day they will be at some trivia night and there will be some question about the Presidents...they will sing that song in their heads and triumph in all of the glory that is knowing an answer at trivia. Then, they just might think of me.

So again I will walk in tomorrow at talk about a bunch of old dead white guys to a bunch of young not-white, adorable kids. America.

Wish You Could've Been There...

2009-08-18T14:46:00.000-07:00

There are so many moments in a day where I wish I had a video of some event because I don't have the writing skills to explain how incredibly hilarious something is. Today, I wish you could've been there.

There we were, about 15 minutes to dismissal, and kids are presenting little posters they made on different science topics. The goal of that activity was to see how the kids worked independently and in groups. Who takes a leadership position? Who does nothing? Who can't work with that kid? This kind of thing. Plus there was the added bonus that they might learn something. Hopeful, I know.

While a few groups were interesting, the last group was terribly boring. They were quiet, monotone, and it was just BOR-ING.
As I'm looking around at my kids to see if any of them are passing notes/passing out, I see one of my students doing something that made me laugh out loud. Like, it wasn't even a laugh; It was a guffaw.

He was sitting in his chair acting as if he were a mime in a glass box. He had a total straight face and didn't have ANY clue ANYONE was looking at him because he was in the back of the room. I can't explain how serious the look on his face was as he was practicing his mime skills. It was PERFECTION.
So me, the rude and tired teacher, let out a loud laugh. I couldn't contain it. There was no HOPE of me not cracking up at this RANDOM event happening in the back of my classroom. There, in the midst of this boring presentation, was a tiny little Hispanic kid who never talks above a whisper...miming in a glass box.

At the end of the day when all the kids were packing up I pulled him aside. I told him that I made the mistake of laughing out loud when kids were presenting and that he should have been paying attention.
When I knew that he knew I was serious about that, I pulled him in and I told him that he made my day and I'd never forget it. He laughed, I laughed, and a blog was born.

Today Was Good. Period.

2009-08-17T14:43:00.000-07:00

I don't really consider myself an adult until I'm around teenagers.
I don't know what it is...when I'm around kids I still feel kinda childlike but when I'm around teenagers I feel like there is a HUGE OCEAN of difference between us that I don't know how to deal with. Maybe it's because I still kinda feel like a teenager (when I'm not around one) so when I see one it makes me feel old and senile.

I say all this because one of my girls got her period today and it makes me feel quite old. I had to ask, despite how much I was afraid to, if she had any...questions. Concerns. Issues. And then I had to ask if she had..."gear" shall we say.

She was fine, not too worried, and obviously had already had "the talk". Thank GOD. I probably would have pulled from the sex-ed video we had to watch in middle school where after the mom tells the daughter all about the miracle of life they go out for ice cream. I will never EVER forget that video. (I'm sure you remember your video too...)

It just made me feel old. And strange. Like I, after all these years, might be an adult if someone is telling me they just got their period.

Other than that, today was a good day. No fights, no cursing (that I heard) and a lot was learned. For example, did you know that two of James Madison's vice-presidents died while he was in office? And have you ever SEEN a portrait of James Madison because I think, albeit a very delayed murder accusation, he might've done it. He looks creepy.

A Little Something I Like to Call: "Incentive."

2009-08-15T13:39:00.000-07:00

We are doing place value in math and part of that is being able to say a number in word form. They have to know up to hundred millions.

I find that a lot of kids can't say a large number. They don't know what in the heck is going on over the hundreds place. It is uncharted territory. It is like they are Lewis and Clark and numbers beyond hundreds are the Western Frontier.

I posted the number 123,456,789 on our Math board and put the place value under each number. After doing a lesson about the value of numbers and blah blah blah, I asked them to try and say that number. It did not go well.

I decided that instead of asking me to go to the restroom they have to walk up to me (not during a whole group instruction time!) and say, "one hundred twenty three million, four hundred fifty six thousand, seven hundred eighty nine." If they say the entire number correctly, away to the restroom they go. If not? Too bad, so sad.

So that probably isn't the most orthodox way of teaching something but there's a little thing called "incentive" that is necessary in my room. They have to know how to say that large number in order to relieve their little bladders.

I find random ways to teach them things because sometimes whole group, small group, homework, hands on, computer work, experiments, worksheets, memorizing, and every other method doesn't always work. So we have the bathroom method.

I will not go down in history for the bathroom method, nor will anyone probably find it to be a stellar idea. But it works, mister.

(as an unexpected result, in the future if they ever hear that exact number again they might - like a Pavlovian response - have to go to the bathroom.)

Laughs, Stress, and Gas. My World in a Nutshell.

2009-08-13T16:14:00.000-07:00

I have been delaying posting because I don't know how to accurately describe how I feel about this week. It has been a pretty intense mix of incredible and overwhelming!

I have a million thoughts running through my mind which leaves me with 11 hour days and going home feeling like there is one of those squiggles over my head like they have over cartoons when they're befuddled.

Let me start by saying, I LOVE my class. I really do. I have some personalities that would blow you out of the water. I have such a wide range of humor, creativity, intelligence, wit, silliness, maturity (and immaturity)...I mean I can't even begin to explain how much I adore getting to know these kids and what makes them tick. Yesterday one of my quiet boys asked me how to spell "sarcophagus" because he was writing this very dark, mystical narrative. I mean, that's just fantastic.

Another of my students was writing about a prompt I gave: "Do you think there is life on other planets, why or why not?" and he wrote that there couldn't be because he had been to all of them and concluded with, "I rest my case."

Today a boy told me that they cut open Michael Jackson and found 1 pill in there. I don't know where he got that information from but he will defend it right down to the ground.

Another one of my students told me that the War of 1812 was in 1992.
I mean the hilarity never stops. Thank God. My principal once said, "The only thing that keeps us from crying in this job is laughing." That is totally true.

This leads me to the squiggle over my head. I just feel like I have so many students that I don't know if I can reach each of them like I could do last year with my 15 kids. I have 24 TODAY (and 3 of them are almost my height) (and I emphasize today because at our school it literally changes every day) and it's not so much the number as their needs.

They NEED so much that I leave feeling exhausted and defeated because I can't spend that quality time with them that I wish I could. I have many students that can be independent and totally function without me but then I have several who require immediate and frequent serious attention or they can't work. And this isn't because of their attitude, it's a psychological /physical/intellectual issue that I need to learn QUICKLY how to do a better job of attending to.

I know this probably seems like a rant to you but I just want SO badly for them to be successful young adults going into Middle School next year and I'm putting all I can into that effort and feeling like it will take skills that I haven't yet learned how to do. It isn't that I can't do it - it's that I will have to work my ass off to do it.

Am I willing? Yes.
Am I able? I hope so.

It all comes down to about 5 students that I could talk to you about for hours at a time (and my poor, poor mom has to listen) because they are SUCH enigmas to me. One is a complete mystery and challenge and luckily I have the support of my administrators that have him on their radar. Reading at a K-1st grade level in 5th grade leaves me with the squiggle. He's not a bad kid, though. Not at ALL. Just a challenge for me.
Then there's 2 students that I have no paperwork on because they are from other schools and our school hasn't received their portfolios. They could be Special Ed for all I know (and I honestly think they are) so I'm not sure what strategies to use because while I know there is a block somewhere, I don't know how to figure out what is causing them to struggle so severely.
Then there's my poor co-teacher that is probably tired of me saying, "YOU CAN NEVER BE ABSENT" because right now I need him to help me give these kids the attention they deserve.

I guess the title of the blog really applies today. I knew it wasn't easy, this week has just reminded me. Despite all the above ranting, however, there are ALWAYS more moments that remind you why you do it. When they laugh, enjoy a lesson, connect with you...when you can tell they're having fun and feeling safe at school...those are the vital moments that remind me that my job rocks.

To conclude, whenever I feel too serious, I get a unique reminder that they're still kids. The passing of gas is ubiquitous as anything in our room. We will be in the middle of something and everyone will giggle, put their noses in their shirts, and look around accusingly. There will, inevitably, be one kid without his/her face in their shirt and they'll be looking around the room hoping no one figures it out.
Gas brings us together.

Michael Jackson, Squirrels, and Twilight, Oh My!

2009-08-10T18:24:00.000-07:00

While I was nervous when I got up this morning, the first student I saw made all my fears dissipate.
I have a HILARIOUS class. There should be some camera crew hired to film all the conversations that my kids have with each other.

So there's a wide range: I have everything from the painfully shy student who is obsessed with squirrels (I will get back to this) to the diva who likes to sing Michael Jackson songs (and it's a guy).

I learned a lot today about 5th graders. I shall share my information with you:

1. Beat It
Every kid knows every thing about Michael Jackson because he died this summer. I've never heard a student so much as mention his name in the last 2 years but today he was talked about like 305 times. I guess on their summer vacation they watched TV and learned all of his songs because Thriller and Beat It were being hummed continuously. The kids not only know his songs, they know who has custody of who, make references of things that happened before I was born, and they even have bad jokes about him. I will share that with you too:

Kid: "Why is the moon all messed up?"
Me: "I don't know, why?"
Kid: "Because Michael Jackson did the moon walk on it!"
(and then the kid laughed and I gave him a look like, "really?" and then I actually couldn't help myself and I laughed too...)

2. Squirrels are the new black.
I have a few students that are OBSESSED with squirrels. So like if you were to talk into my classroom and say to one of them, "Tell me about yourself" the kid would say, "I love squirrels." Maybe I'm wrong, but what is so fantastic about squirrels? Perhaps it's because I see 10 dead ones a day I don't find them so interesting. I asked the kids why they liked squirrels so gosh darn much and they answered by saying that they're funny and cute and they run when you chase them.
So apparently, at any given moment, some of my students are chasing squirrels and having a fabulous time doing it. Apparently, there is an epic story about one of my boys saving a squirrel. Unfortunately, I didn't get that story today but hope to hear it tomorrow and report back. (I'm sure it will be touching and one day make a fantastic Disney Movie in which an adorable Hispanic student revives his best friend, Sammy the Squirrel, by performing CPR on him. Ok, I took that too far...)

3. Twilight has reached Elementary Schools.
I have a student who says to me, "I have read all the Twilight books." My first reaction is to think that's TOTALLY inappropriate. For several reasons: (*yes, I'm making a list within a list)
1. They're bad books (yes, I've read them, but that doesn't mean I want my students to).
2. They're for stupid tweens with acne, not my 5th graders. So I don't believe him and ask him to tell me about a book that hasn't been turned into a movie yet. He tells me the plot, characters, twists, and then he proceeds to tell me that he doesn't like who they cast as Bella because she's not good looking enough. He thought they should've cast someone hotter.

4. Smartypants
I have a minimum of 3 students who think they're smarter than everyone on Earth who has ever existed. They think they are GENIUSES and that the whole class should bow down to their greatness. They correct EVERY little mistake anyone else makes and they have a knowing smile on them at all times which tells me that they are probably playing a trick on someone and I don't know it yet.
Do I dislike these kids? No. I actually find them incredibly charming. I'm sure they'll annoy me every now and then but the fact that they are sarcastic and have a dry wit that a 60 year old smoking a pipe in a living room would have makes me smile. They have incredibly developed personalities that I look forward to getting to know.
Furthermore, you better believe I'll be sarcastic right back at them. Bring it.

Hakuna Matata

2009-08-09T17:33:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is the first day of school.

I'm doing my pre-first day tradition of watching The Lion King the night before. I don't know why but NOTHING calms me down more than watching this movie I know by heart.

My mind is racing...
I'm worried that I won't be as good teaching 5th graders, I'm thinking about how I'll welcome them in the morning, I'm anxious about students that I know will be challenging, I'm hoping that there will magically be enough chairs (as we have run out at our school and our room doesn't have enough), I'm thinking about how everything will fit into the schedule, I'm freaking out about standing in front of 28 kids and not knowing what the HELL I'm doing. What if they hate me? What if I lost any teacher-instinct I had over the summer? I am terrified that the last 2 years were just lucky and this year I will be awful. My mind won't stop racing thinking about pencils and uniforms and paperwork...attendance, passwords, remembering their names, remembering I can't curse, hoping that it somehow all works out and I SURVIVE.

I guess when I was starting school I never thought that the teachers would be nervous. It is the same jitters I got as a kid...I even have a new outfit! My mom bought it to wish me luck.

I guess I'll just watch The Lion King in the hopes that it'll be a lucky charm again for this year. I'll listen to Timon and Pumba (God, I love this movie) and I'll try to adopt their philosophy of Hakuna Matata.

Wish me luck. We shall see if I am indeed smarter than a 5th grader!

Accepting the Challenge: Can I do it?

2009-08-05T15:53:00.000-07:00

If you refer back to my posts two years ago, I wrote about a girl I had that was very challenging for me. She is probably the most challenging student I've had because she had a very sneaky way of manipulating and lying. She got under my skin and KNEW how and when to push my buttons. I mean, she wrote the manual on my buttons and how to annoy me.

Now, as a 5th grade teacher, I have the chance to have her in my class again. We were putting classes together today as a team and I had the opportunity to give her to another teacher. It would be so easy to stick her profile sheet in another teacher's stack and not even think twice.

So do I put her in another classroom...or do I accept the challenge?

It was almost as if I did a Zack Morris "Time Out" and reflected on all of the frustrating sitautions I've had with that student. When she tested every OUNCE of my patience. When she REFUSED to do things because she knew it would cause problems. Once she downright decided she wasn't going to get up off the floor with the rest of the class and I had to literally pick her up so I could go to lunch with the rest of the class that was hungrily waiting outside.

She stole, she lied, and she seemed to have a pretty good time doing it.

In all my reflecting, I thought about how difficult she made my first year. I didn't, however, feel like I was done with her. There was this strange voice (my conscious? Jimminy Cricket? give a little whistle?) that told me that I could do it. That she's just a kid and she did all of those infuriating things for my attention. Maybe as a 3rd year teacher I would be better equipped to deal with her. Maybe knowing her so well would give us a leg up on building our relationship while still starting fresh.

As I reached for her profile card, my co-teacher and I looked at each other in a "What the Hell?" kind of way. If we're not going to challenge ourselves, what's the point? I don't want a class full of kids that pick me flowers every morning on the way to school (although I love those kids). I want a mixture of kids that will make every day interesting, challenging, and even blogg-able.

Besides, she came to my room so many times last year telling me how much she missed me. Was she being honest? Who knows. Maybe I just suck less than the teacher she had at the time. Did I love seeing her despite our temultuous relationship? Absolutely.

So I accepted the challenge. And now I'm going to have her along with 26 other kids which is way more kids than I've ever had before.

It all leaves me with a lingering question that is making a pit in my stomach: Can I do this?